Nothing will ever beat Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga singing the words to “Shallow” straight into each other’s mouths at the 2019 Oscars while Irina Shayk sat in the audience all, I’m right the f*ck here. But 2020 is certainly trying its hardest. Despite this year’s nominated films sorely lacking any thirsty ballads between two horny-for-each-other A-list celebrities, the Academy Awards have a pretty stacked group of performers.
But before we get to this year’s artists, can we just...
Cool, moving on!
It’s unclear what, exactly, Billie will be singing (all we know is it’s a “special performance”), but is now a good time to mention that she’s doing the new James Bond theme song? Seems relevant.
The Academy is clearly trying to manipulate me into watching all the boring categories by teasing a surprise Janelle performance and It! Is! Working!
Please be advised that Elton John will be performing the highly dance-y Oscar-nominated song “(I’m Gonna) Love Me Again” from Rocketman. Cool, can’t wait to enthusiastically sing along
in front of my friends alone in my apartment!
Cynthia is slated to perform her Oscar-nominated song “Stand Up” from Harriet, which is best described as freakin’ incredible.
Adele Dazeem is back! This time, she’s singing Oscar-nominated “Into the Unknown” from Frozen II, and let’s just hope and pray John Travolta isn’t allowed anywhere near the stage!
Also, lemme save you the Google search:
Randy will be singing Oscar-nominated “I Can’t Let You Throw Yourself Away” from Toy Story 4. To be clear, if his performance doesn’t feature a special appearance from this dude, I will riot.
Anyway, it’s basically the most Randy Newman–y song ever, so enjoy!!!!
I know you’re confused, so here’s the deal: Chrissy was in a movie called Breakthrough, which apparently had a super-good song called “I’m Standing With You,” which got nominated for an Oscar. Cool? Cool.