Neha Dhupia on encouraging mothers to make autonomous decisions about breastfeeding

“I had body image issues when I was younger. It is all super-silly, but I was always conscious about my ‘heavy bottom’. And today, I look back at my 20s and I am like, ‘What was I so worried about?’ One of the most beautiful things about getting older is that you start caring less about what other people think...about their expectations and judgements. Instead, you start forming your own opinions about yourself, your life, your body, and your beliefs. It is a good place to be at.

The first time I decided to not give a damn about what people said about my body was after I gave birth to my daughter. I went through postpartum depression, and it was eight difficult months of trying to put up a brave front. But every night, and this was when I was breastfeeding until late, I would go look at what people had to say about me, and everybody seemed to have an opinion. I had gained 22 kilos at that point—which I lost, and then gained again when I got pregnant the second time. Throughout this time, I often judged myself and struggled with my confidence. And then one day, it just hit me—that it didn’t matter what size I was, it didn’t matter how I looked, I needed to feel good about myself regardless of the number on the weighing scale. And I would not allow anyone to take that away from me. That’s when I began loving my body again. I thought to myself, ‘How can you hate something that gave you two beautiful children?’ Because if there is one thing in the world that I would never, ever reverse, it is the birth of my children. And they are here because of my body so I need to tell other people to back off. Today, even if I am not in ‘perfect’ shape, I love my body. And I feel beautiful. I don’t need to justify my weight gain or weight loss to anyone. 

Society expects a lot from women and sets unrealistic beauty standards for them. Sadly, many of these standards are set by women themselves—we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and often think that we are not good enough if we don’t fit into a pair of pants from before we had babies. Our bodies change after childbirth and that’s absolutely normal, and we have to be okay with that. When someone compliments me, I am honest about how I have a team of people that works on me, and certainly don’t ‘wake up like this’ because women need to know the truth and not feel ashamed about natural changes.

 One of the things I feel passionately about is a woman’s right to breastfeed with dignity and without judgement. To be honest, I never realised what a serious problem this was until I became a mother. The breasts have always been sexualised, and we forget that it is also a food source for a newborn. And because you have to feed your baby, you are forced to leave the room or hide from people or desperately search for a feeding area. A few months after giving birth to my daughter Mehr, I returned to work on Roadies and I had to nurse my baby. It didn’t matter whether I was in a car or on a set or in a trailer... I needed to feed my baby and if that made some people uncomfortable, that was their problem.

Some years ago, I was at a mall, with my daughter in a pram, and I asked where I could breastfeed her. They told me to go to the toilet and feed my child because most malls and airports and offices aren’t thinking about a new mother’s needs. This bothered me, and that’s when I decided to launch Freedom to Feed, in 2019. I wrote about my experiences as a new mother struggling to breastfeed, and, within a few days, thousands of mothers wrote in with similar stories. It was insane! Today, we have a community of almost 40,000 moms and parents, and we have important conversations around normalising breastfeeding and also about a mother’s choice to feed the way she finds right and is able to. Whether that’s choosing to breastfeed or use formula or pump milk... We have a lot of expectations and demands from mothers, but we really must learn to let them make their decisions because they know what is best for their children.”