THIS is the Best Movie Scene of 2015

Did someone say Oscar nomination? WE ARE NOT WORTHY.

21 March, 2018
THIS is the Best Movie Scene of 2015

​A lot of wonderful things happened at the movies this year. Jamie Dornan bit a piece of toast. Katniss finally took down the Capitol. Imperator Furiosa used Mad Max's shoulder as a rifle stand. Jessica Chastain stroked Mia Wasikowska's face with a dead butterfly. All wonderful! But none of them — repeat, none of them — compared to one beautiful, shining moment in the masterpiece that was Magic Mike XXL: Joe Manganiello doing a striptease to the Backstreet Boys in a supermarket. It deserves an Oscar, a SAG, a BAFTA, a César, or a Nobel. Whatever you've got lying around will do, but please, shower it with all you've got because the world did not earn this perfection.




Channing Tatum is the star of both Magic Mikes, and that's fine and good and as it should be. This is his life story, after all, but with more McConaughey. Joe Manganiello, however, is the eye candy. He's a decent actor, but it's not like anybody hired him for this because he can do Hamlet's "to be or not to be" soliloquy from memory. No. They hired him because his body is a bronzed mountain every heterosexual woman wants to climb. Because his biceps are the size of watermelons. Because his abs have more definition than an unabridged dictionary. Because he wrote a book called Evolution: The Cutting Edge Guide to Breaking Down Mental Walls and Building the Body You've Always Wanted.

All of which is to say that from a purely aesthetic standpoint, this scene was flawless. There is no world in which a man who looks like Joe Manganiello pouring water on himself is not going to make your movie look like a fucking Picasso. Now add one of the most important songs of the '90s to the mix, and you've got yourself a contender for the Library of Congress Film Registry.  

Then there's the setup. For those of you miserable humans who haven't seen the film and need to get your life right, the premise is this: Richie (that's Joe) and his friends are headed to Myrtle Beach for a stripper convention and decide, while high on MDMA, that they need to change up their usual routine. Richie, having done his cliché fireman schtick for an untold number of years, is understandably afraid to take an artistic leap, but relaxes once his bros explain the true ethos of stripping. It's not about who's the best dancer (ahem, Channing) or the most coordinated — it's just about the fantasy. If you can make a woman feel like the hottest girl on the planet, the choreography is irrelevant. She just wants to feel special, because she's had a bad day or is getting married tomorrow or just wants to fork over some cash to see some goddamn pectorals, and your one job as a stripper is to make that happen.

This, by the way, was one of the things that made Magic Mike XXL as a whole so delightful. Where the first one was all about Mike's struggles to open his stupid furniture business, this one focused on women's pleasure, both in the narrative of the film and the eyes of the viewers. Richie's mission at the supermarket is to make a surly woman smile. That's it. He's not looking for money or fame or a date. He just wants to make her happy! This is the mission of all male strippers — excuse me, male entertainers — and as Donald Glover puts it later, "It's like we're healers or something." Magic Mike XXL is at heart just a silly road trip movie that you've probably seen before, but scenes like this, so explicitly designed with a woman in mind, are still a rarity. It's like a Bond girl stepping out of the ocean, but for women, and with more thought put into it. Don't just make him shirtless — make him dance! 

The dance itself is kind of whatever, especially compared to Channing and Twitch's extremely complicated finale number, but Joe knows how to work with what he's got. Cheetos, for example, and his chest, which he douses with a bottle of water from the store's fridge. He hip-thrusts, he body-rolls, he writhes on the ground. Two of the three times I saw this movie in theatres, the audience squealed and clapped in delight for almost the whole duration of this scene. (The time they didn't was at a press screening, and I'm still mad at all those strangers for acting like XXL was some boring Oscar bait they were upset they had to write about.) How could you not clap while watching this? It is perfection. It is Joe Manganiello's greatest filmic achievement to date.

But what of the cashier? Does it make her smile? Spoiler alert, it does, but not until he utters his line. This line is so perfect it ought to unseat whatever bullshit is no. 1 on the AFI's top 100 movie quotes of all time. It should be inscribed in stone for future generations to uphold as poetry. It should be tattooed on Sofia Vergara's chest so she can make Joe read it to her every night before they go to bed. Are you ready?

"HOW MUCH FOR THE CHEETOS AND WATER?"

BOOM! Smile cracked. Panties dropped. Texts suggesting that boyfriends start working out more sent. You are his fire, his one desire, believe when I say that he wants it that way. Joe's work here is done. 

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​Follow Eliza on Twitter. From Cosmo US.

Credit: Cosmopolitan
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