1. Staring at your feet the whole time terrified you're going to hit a bump in the road or a crack on the sidewalk and face-plant into the concrete. Man, taking this simple death-defying stroll to my car sure is fun!
2. Wearing heels on a date with a guy and he suddenly feels like taking a long romantic walk. Yeah, I'd love to take a romantic walk I was not expecting while wearing these five-inch heels that starting hurting me on the way over here and now my feet are definitely going to be on fire the entire time we stroll alone merrily, but at least they look fantastic!
3. Having to try to walk with bandaids on the back of your heels but the bandaids keep falling off. And so then you just keep walking while you bleed freely in the street. No big.
4. Wearing heels in the morning and then around 2 p.m. all you want to do is throw your shoes into the garbage forever. So then you have to do this...
5. Having flats in your bag and therefore having to carry a giant bag and just also being a person who carries around shoes.â€‹ This '90s stereotype looked ridiculous for a reason but now I'm living it. Plus, then this happens...
6. Being scared that people can smell your shoes from your bag because ugh, you can't win.
7. Cobblestones. If you live in a city where you've never had to walk in between specifically placed stones that I swear were designed to make women fall, I applaud you. And if you do live in a city where they exist, I would like to give you a medal.
8. When you think your shoes are comfortable because you've only worn them for two-hour spans before and then you wear them to a wedding and want to die. I have a pair of heeled ankle boots that I love so much because they're so comfy and cute but when I try to wear them for a whole day my body is like, "Why?! Why?! Why?!" and I'm like, "I'm sorry, body!!! I didn't know!!!"
9. When you want to wear heels but you're not sure if it will make you taller than your date and you don't know if he's one of Those Guys who will feel weird about it. So then you have to figure out some guy's potential insecurities about being shorter than you when all you wanted to do was wear your new platforms because they look so freaking cute with that skirt.
10. Owning so many pairs of cute heels and feeling too lazy to wear them so you never really do. Why? Because they all have ~*pRoBLEmS*~ so you just stare at them longingly like they're beautiful little goals.
11. When the shoe has a steep arch and the ball of your foot suddenly starts killing you out of nowhere. And it is a fire, my friends. A fire that no man shall ever know. A burning well within the ball of your foot that rages on until you sit, at last, victorious.
12. When you buy the shoes a little bigger so they won't rub your ankles but surprise! Now you keep slipping out of them. â€‹Haha, idiot. (*Cries*)
13. When you finally take your heels off and walking on a flat surface makes you feel like Sandra Bullock in Gravity. And it actually takes you a minute to remember how to walk like a normal person again, which is just jarring.
14. When your baby toe is acting like its trying to escape from its sandal prison. So you just end up with weird marks and scabs all over it from its unsuccessful jailbreak attempt. Poor toe. You didn't stand a chance.
By Lane Moore
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