1. Be in Bed Most Nights by 11:30.
Maybe when you were 19, you could do more than one weekly all-nighter, but if I stay up past midnight more than three nights in a row, I am terrifying.
2. Rock the Oversized- Sweater-and- Glasses Combo.
Just look at street style snaps of Alexa Chung or the Olsens—their steez is identical to my Great Aunt Rita’s. (RIP.)
3. Say Yes to Comfortable Footwear.
You know how we look at girls who are a few years younger, tottering home from some cool club or another on 7-inch stiletto heels? That is how all grandmas look at everyone under 70. Also, ugly shoes are in.
4. Don’t Be Technology Obsessed.
Obviously, you are not going to be quite as clueless as the texts from Grandma, e.g. “happybirthdayiloveu!sorrydontkno whowtomakespaces:((”. But Grandma uses the space in her brain that you use for Twitter for other, more old fashioned delights, like taking a walk or enjoying the actual tweeting of birds.
5. Old Lady Lipstick > Lip Gloss.
For real. There’s nothing like an old school lip. I like YSL in Le Orange because it’s the precise shade my grandma used to wear.
6. F*ck Trendy Food.
Maybe everyone’s having a quinoa-flavoured green juice moment, but the olds have been consistent with their dietary choices since olds were on the planet. Throw shade at prune juice if you will, but it will not faze the old ladies who sip on it like it’s Hennessy over ice.