Here's How You Can Tackle Your Habit of Always Being Late

You text your friend: ‘Leaving now!’ But really, you’re still in bed. Yep, you’re the person who’s always running behind. Rehab your rep with these tips.

25 September, 2018
Here's How You Can Tackle Your Habit of Always Being Late

By Esther Perel

Did you know, millennials are the most likely of all peeps to be late? From dates to parties to work. In one recent poll, 22 percent of millennials said they are late to work at least one day a week. But here’s the thing, lateness
can breed resentment in all your relationships and an ever-simmering anxiety in you. “One of the most predominant issues people have with time is that they constantly lie about it,” says Lauren Handel Zander, author of Maybe It’s You and Chairwoman of the Handel Group, an executive- and life coaching company. We spend too much energy coming up with fibs to justify our lateness. Time to get real about how your traits, moods, and attitudes might be setting you back.

1. The Wild Procrastinator : 'I'm Better Under Pressure!'

We’re all guilty of a little procrastination, but not every single person is a die-hard procrastinator. Joseph Ferrari, a professor of psychology at DePaul University in the US, and author of Still Procrastinating?, notes that when
you’re postponing, waiting or just delaying, you’re often still gathering information in order to best achieve your goal. Procrastination, on the other hand, is actively avoiding making any decision, putting you at an absolute standstill until the very last minute, often causing you to be late. Yes, you get everything done eventually, but in the mean-time, your stress levels, and chance for error, skyrocket.

THE FIX: Take small steps to move forward. That huge adrenaline rush you get from being in a time crunch? It’s not actually giving you super-productive powers. In one of Ferrari’s studies, people who procrastinated performed worse under pressure than people who didn’t. In the case of life skills, such as cooking, break the goal down into smaller steps.

2. The Commitment-Phobe : 'I Just Can't Be Tied Down By Set Plans'

Lauren says these free spirits, or flakes, fear being locked into a reasonable schedule just in case something better comes along. “They feel stifled by concrete plans, and wait until they’re ‘in the mood for it’ to do something—
which leaves a great many things undone,” she says. Meaning, they’re rarely anywhere on time. “If you’re waiting for the day you enjoy commitment in order to start, it’s not coming.” Best learn to deal.

THE FIX: Communicate and stick to a plan. Being the flake may feel empowering, like the world revolves around you, but it can wreak havoc when you’re the one who’s flaked on, says productivity expert Julie Morgenstern, author of Time Management From The Inside Out. So just imagine what it’s like to be the other people who are in the scenario at hand (friends or family members), who are simply trying to nail down a plan. Rather than stringing others along, be upfront and vocal about your intentions. If you are feeling even the least bit lukewarm about making a commitment, say something like, ‘Hey, I like the sound of dinner, but I may need to bail, so please make the reservation without me and I’ll let you know if I can make it.’ This way you’re not giving anyone any false expectations and if you can make it, it’s a bonus.

3. The Underestimator: 'This Should Only Take a Minute...'

Underestimators are well-intentioned, but occupy an alternate reality where time has no meaning. “I ask clients like this how long they think a task will take, and then I give them a certain amount of time to complete it,” Lauren says. “When the time to stop comes, they are so, so wrong.” Underestimators are afraid to find out that they can’t do everything, or they obsess over and take too long to do other things. Julie adds, “When a person looks at what is in front of her in advance, she is in a position to make better choices.”

THE FIX: Get grounded in reality. Julie breaks clients of this habit by making them time themselves. Choose a situation or task that you’re regularly late on, and study yourself doing it on three separate occasions. Calculate your average time. If you’re horrified by the black hole of your schedule, go through all of your upcoming tasks and apply one of Julie’s Four Ds to each one. Delete: if it’s unimportant, don’t do it. Delay: reschedule the task for a better time. Diminish: break a bigger project into parts and dedicate just one hour a day to it. Or Delegate: give all or part of your task to somebody else.

4. The Time Martyr : 'I'm So Busy—There Just Aren't Enough Hours In The Day!'

Time Martyrs jump at the chance to do everything for everyone, often neglecting their needs in the process. They volunteer to host their cousin’s bachelorette, and create the spreadsheet of emergency contacts at work—but at the expense of making it to the spinning class they’ve wanted to try, or digging into their passion project. While they feel validated and useful to others, they’re often overwhelmed, feel unfulfilled, and are usually tardy to the party—a hefty trade-off that can lead to eventual burnout.

THE FIX: Start saying no. It’s true that saying yes to everything can help to accelerate your career—and socially, you’ll never miss a chance to help a friend. But double, and triplebooking yourself means the time you spend in any single place suffers, and you have no time to take care of yourself. When you are given a task that goes above and beyond, Julie advises buying yourself a little time before immediately answering, ‘Sure thing!’ Say: ‘I’d love to do it, but here is everything I’m working on now. Can you help me choose between these?’ Julie says most employers respect this response, especially when it means the work gets done well. The same goes for your friends, who’d rather spend time with the most present version of you.

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