How to: Banish the Small Talk Stress

You’re invited to a friend’s party but know no one

Scan the room for someone who’s also alone. Open a with ‘What’s your connection to this party?’ Follow up with ‘What keeps you busy?’ It’s a better Q than ‘What do you do?’ They could’ve just been fired for all you know.

Someone asks ‘What’s new?’—and you freeze up

If you go blank when mingling, do as you would for a big test: prep. Catch up on trends and news (cosmopolitan.in is an A-plus shortcut *wink*) or industry happenings if it’s a biz event. No topic is off-limits, insists Bernardo J Carducci, Director of the Shyness Research Institute, US—just don’t turn it into a debate.

You’re totally dominating the convo

Extroverts can be bad at giving others the opp to chime in. Pause periodically and give someone else a chance to lead, says Carducci. Better yet, ask someone who seems like the quiet type an open-ended, simple Q, like what show they’ve been binge watching.

That annoying cousin Won’t. Stop. Talking

He’s going on and on about his obsession with The Avengers! Here’s your exit strategy: say ‘Sorry, I have to go, but tell me quickly which movie is your fave?’, says Carducci. That nicely lets him know he needs to wrap it up. Then say, ‘Thanks! I’ll steal your opinion if anyone asks me!’

Your bestie is having a cocktail party

Branch out. “Extroverts are often perceived as clique-y because they tend to gab with the people they know,” says Debra fine, author of The Fine Art Of Small Talk. If someone is hovering nearby, wave him over and catch him up (‘We were just talking about...’). “When others see that you’re easy to be around, they’ll start coming up to you.”

You’re at your high school reunion and...wait, was that an insult?

Ignoring a dis is unsatisfying, but don’t argue. Try ‘That’s one way of seeing it’. Says Carducci, “It signals that you heard what was said, it was jerky, and this is their one chance to backtrack.’ Else, excuse yourself and find your real friends.

By Jessica Migala

This article was published in February 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan India