7 Toxic People You Should Avoid...

They’re known as the ‘toxics’ and they’re at your work place, in your circle, and even at home. They slip in undetected and before you know it, you’re too far into the relationship to quit. The toxics upset you with their comments, and instil you with self-doubt. They judge, manipulate, and bully.
And these relationships can have a detrimental effect on your health.

ID Bad Behaviour

From the office bully to the family drama queen, toxic relationships come with different labels. But they’ve got one thing in common: they’re all draining! Counselling psychologist and author Dr Helen McGrath says many people who could be described as ‘toxic’ may in actual fact have a personality disorder like Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder. “These people don’t have mental illnesses, but maladaptive ones, and can have a negative effect on those with whom they work, socialise or live,” say Dr McGrath. “While subtle and often difficult to detect, once you recognise that someone has toxic behaviour, you need to consider the potential costs of maintaining a relationship with them. They are unlikely to change, and you need to protect your own wellbeing.”

The Seven Toxics

Psychologist Marianne Love and principal life coach Anky Balfoort from Cohesive Coaching break it down.

THE BULLY:

Desires domination to look powerful. “The bully can shake the very foundations of self-belief. They are often adept at keying into a person’s weak points and magnifying them,” says Love.

THE ONE-SIDER:

It’s always all about them. No matter what goes on in your life, these people will always go one better. “If you’ve just managed to land that great job, the one-sider will congratulate you, then tell you about the even better promotion they got last week,” says Balfoort.

THE MANIPULATOR:

Controlling or jealous. “Manipulators are driven by fear, insecurity and control, and project that onto others,” says Love. “They prey on people’s vulnerabilities.”

THE ADDICT:

Addicted to negative behaviours. “No matter how much you try to help these people, they’ll always repeat previous bad behaviours,” explains Balfoort. “As the saying goes, you can’t help someone who won’t help themselves.”

THE NEGATIVE NANCY:

The glass is always half- empty. “No matter how positive or happy you are, negative people will eventually drag you down,” says Balfoort.

THE DRAMA QUEEN:

The gossiper. “The Drama Queen loves to be the centre of attention,” says Balfoort. “Your experiences will just appear humdrum compared to theirs.”

How To Deal With Them

Balfoort says it’s about controlling the situation. “Limit contact. You can’t control another person’s behaviour but you can change your own response to them.” In the case of family, don’t spend as much time with them. In the case of a colleague, limit interactions and develop other friendships. “Surround yourself with people who share common interests, and are good for your self-esteem,” says Love. “Being around caring and kind people is key for setting up a happy and healthy mindset.” 

DID YOU KNOW?

Toxic friendships could be making you sick. A study found negative social interactions can increase inflammation in the body. Over time, that can cause health problems including diabetes, heart disease and cancer. Turns out, good relationships are as important to your health as eating well and exercising.

By Emily Eklund.

This article was published in April 2017 issue of Cosmopolitan India