Let’s be honest, going through a break-up is never fun. If someone breaks up with you, it can leave you feeling confused, insecure and upset. But being the ‘breaker upper’ can be hard to navigate, too. Thoughts whirr through your head in the run-up to The Dumping: Am I doing the right thing? Can I trust my own judgement? What if they cry? What if I cry?
But if you’ve thought long and hard about it and decided that ultimately, it’s for the best, then comes the really tricky part: actually ending your relationship. It can be hard to know exactly how to break up with someone. Unfortunately, there isn’t a handy ready-made script you can use for this situation. But if you're sure that moving on is the right decision, then there are certain things you can do and say to at least try and end things on good terms.
We asked relationship expert Gary Amers for his advice on breaking up with someone like a legitimate adult human. Here, he shares his tips for how to do it without being unnecessarily nasty, while also getting to the point – because this is not a conversation you want to drag out.
How to break up with someone
People only wish to break up with someone if the person is no longer a
match to their outlook, values, passions, needs and desires. So before the break up, write a list of what it is that you no longer want to be, feel or experience in a relationship so you can be clear when you break up. Then write down what you now want, and visualise it.
Fall out of love in your mind first
It’s harder to break up if you keep focusing on the one moment you were
happy. If you're trying to build the strength to break up with a partner, banish that thought. Focus on the top five negative moments of your relationship. Remember what you saw, heard and felt during those times. Keep repeating the process.
Be kind, but strict
Breaking up can be extremely painful, not just for the person being left behind
but for the person doing the leaving. Be kind and respectful as you begin to
distance yourself, however, be strict with your boundaries because if you're not totally clear, your partner may get mixed signals and end up staying around much longer.
Figure out how valuable they are
Only you can decide what your partner is worth to you. Are they worth a sit
down dinner or a five-minute coffee break up? Are they worth a four-word text or
one last night of passion? Soz, but only you can decide that one.
Think about all of the things you are now free to be, do, and have, after
breaking up. Go on a rampage of thoughts that activate happy vibes. Tomorrow’s experiences are always created from the thoughts you are thinking today.