10 Panicky Thoughts Every Girl Has at a Job Interview

"Oh God! So much pee! To bounce or to bail?"

#1 Damn it, damn it! I'm ten minutes late! Now it'll cast aspersions on my professional ethics. 'Tardy for her job interview, god knows what she'll be like at her job!' What? The interviewer's half an hour late, too? Oh, yay!

#2 That guy looks like his resume is bigger than mine! Why did I waste that summer having fun and visiting family! I should've done three more internships superfast!

#3 Oh shit! Candidate 3 is wearing pants! Was a pencil skirt the wrong move? Does it say, 'Hey, I care more about what I wear than what I do?' Is there time to change? Oh, good, another girl in a pencil skirt.

#4 Oh God, another girl?! How many people am I up against!

#5 Look at this office. Everyone looks so smart and purposeful. Will I even fit in? WHAT IF I DON'T MAKE EVEN ONE FRIEND?

#6 Oh, god damn it I have to pee. I clearly can't run out now. What if the interviewer comes in? But if I start bouncing around with a bursting bladder when she's in here…wouldn't that be worse? Oh god—to bounce or to bail? To bounce or to bail?!?

#7 Oh God, am I smiling too much? Does she think I'm a grinning idiot? There was a study that said people who smiled too much gave off an air of stupidity…wasn't there? …Aaaand I'm still smiling.

#8 She's staring at me very intently. Is there something in my teeth? Oh god, is it that lettuce from my sandwich at lunch? AND I HAVE BEEN SMILING!

#9 She's texting! Oh God, I've lost her attention. She probably thinks I'm too boring to even pretend like she's struggling to stay awake—okay, she's apologizing for having to text. But now I've forgotten what I was saying.

#10 She likes my pencil skirt? Is that a snide remark? Wait, okay she actually likes it? "Thaaanks it's from Forever!"