1. Cutting back on showering because it involves getting naked, which means you'll get cold, so no, thanks. They say to not wash your hair every day anyway to keep those natural oils, right? Sounds like a cool excuse to me! Plus, I don't smell really bad yet so I could still probably get away with a few more days of being gross in this robe. Which brings me to…
2. Never washing the fleece blanket you ritualistically wear as though it were a second skin made entirely of chenille. Also, how the hell do you wash fleece?! If they wanted us to wash it, they should have told us how (it's probably on the label, but I'm too cold to take it off to look).
3. Rubbing your runny nose on pretty much any clothing item and not caring. This is usually followed by telling yourself you'll wash it soon, which you def will not do. Especially if it's a sweater, because those are washed once a year and you know this.
4. Waking up in the middle of the night because you have to pee but being too lazy to get out of bed, so you just hold it in forever. And then in the morning you realise you just reabsorbed your own pee and feel vaguely like a monster.
5. Wearing a hat over your gross dirty hair and pretending it's because you love that hat. Which you do, but it's mostly because you're too cold to shower, which has left you with greasy '90s hair that is only cute when it's peeking out of a beanie. Also, you will never wash that hat.
6. Smearing Vaseline on your chapped as hell nose and hoping no one sees you drawing on your face with lip balm. Look, the label doesn't specifically say it's lips-only.
7. Becoming more lotion than person at all hours of the day. Winter is basically just constantly globbing thick coatings of lotion on your face and body and then having the person you're sleeping with be like, "Gross, don't touch me. Why are you like that?!"
8. Washing your face and realising your dry, dead skin is peeling off like a face mask made of your own skin. And then frantically rubbing your face on the towel you probably haven't washed in a while because you've started…
9. Wearing the same pair of tights for, like, 12 days in a row. During winter, I basically only take off the pair of tights I wear every day if they literally fall off my body in tatters. I have one with a huge crotch rip but as long as there are still feet at the bottom, we're good to go.