Can a Feminist Enjoy Oral Sex, Bondage, and Spanking?

Author Rosalyn D’Mello tells us why a strong, independent women can enjoy a little rough sex. Because ultimately, it’s about your right to your kind of pleasure!

20 June, 2018
Can a Feminist Enjoy Oral Sex, Bondage, and Spanking?

dd

“As the taxi sped along, René begins to prepare O so she would be suitably undressed by the time they arrived at their destination. ‘You also have on too many clothes. Unfasten your stockings and roll them down to above your knees. Here are some garters,’ he orders her. His next command is for her to unfasten her garter belt and take off her panties, and not to sit upon her slip, but directly on the imitation leather seat. When the taxi comes to a halt, he unbuttons her blouse, snips off the straps of her bra with a penknife, takes them off, and fastens her blouse. ‘Now you’re ready,’ he says. ‘This is where I leave you.’ He instructs her to get out, ring the doorbell, follow whoever opens the door for her, and obey very ensuing command.

Obviously, by page 3, I was hooked. I’d heard many salacious things about Story of O, but I wasn’t adequately prepared for the degradation and abasement to which O willingly submits. This pseudonymously written 1954 erotic novel makes
50 Shades of Grey seem vanilla. I found myself vicariously savouring every titillating enactment of O’s submissiveness. To have one’s body tended to by ladies in waiting and then have it used presumably as an instrument for another man’s pleasure (or that of several men), and to derive pleasure from that fact seemed weirdly arousing. Having never been in a bondage situation, not for lack of its lure, I relished the fantasy. I even messaged my partner mid-way through the book requesting him to spank me hard when he returned from his trip.

As a feminist, and as a woman unashamed of my lust or desires, I have no qualms admitting I occasionally enjoy being spanked. Many of girlfriends do too. We prefer men who know better than to treat us like fragile, angelic dolls and pound us instead, rough and hard, exactly where you’d think it hurts but it doesn’t. Because we are women of the world and are well aware that even while adopting the role of a submissive within the sanctity of the boudoir, we remain in charge, we call the stakes—our consensus is vital. We are not afraid to make demands or to coolly reveal to our partners how we like it best. For many of us, going down on a man is not some slavish gesture but an assumption of power or simply an extension of our desire to deliver pleasure in the same way as we may like to receive it. This sense of equality ought to be at the heart of any healthy sexual relationship, fetishes and kinks included.

Which is perhaps why my advice to women reading this is to reconsider sleeping with any man who wouldn’t call himself a feminist. Feminist men give the best blowjobs, and a ‘safe word’, the code shared between the dominant and the submissive, is most effectual when both roles are played by feminists (men and women). Besides, I’ve never met a feminist who doesn’t like to come.”

Comment