Casual SMSes have become a huge part of dating, and experts speculate that texts have surpassed actual phone calls between many couples. But beware: there's such a thing as too much texting (TMT). Overdoing it can harm things, says relationship expert Arlene Krieger, Ph.D. There are several instances where texting can torpedo a relationship before it's barely gotten off the ground:
1. After your first few dates.
It may be tempting to contact a guy right after an amazing date, but resist the urge. “Reaching out lessens the thrill of the chase for him,” says psychologist Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of
Love In 90 Days.
2. When you're drunk.
Since phones don't come with breath analysers, it's up to you to stop yourself from sending a tipsy message—especially one that suggests you two meet up ASAP. “Being too available lets a
guy know he has all the leverage,” Krieger says.
3. When you’re angry.
It’s annoying when a guy flakes, but sending a “Why haven’t you called me??!!” inquiry makes you look massively insecure. Avoid texts when you’re in a ‘I just want to kill him’ mood, too. “When it’s in writing, you can’t easily take it back,” Kirschner says.
4. When you’re trying to be funny.
“Non-verbally, sarcasm and joking might come off as aggressive,” says Kirschner. A guy could read an SMS like “OMG, you were out of control last night!!!” literally, which makes you sound pissed when you were just remembering his funny behaviour.
5. When you’ve already texted him that day.
Once you’re in an ongoing relationship, you may be tempted to rely on texting as a regular form of communication, but SMSes discourage phone conversations and one-on-one time. By not engaging in text marathons, you’re encouraging real conversations.