He Never Makes Plans
All you want is for him to suggest something, anything, you two could do in the future, whether it’s a date night or a vacation. Here’s the ugly truth: he probably tried, and you probably (inadvertently) turned him down. “Usually when one person is complaining about his or her partner not taking the initiative, the partner has done so in the past but was discouraged,” says Allen Berger, Ph.D., author of Love Secrets Revealed. “The message being sent is that the only thing you want to do is the stuff you organise and control, and so the guy becomes passive.” Reverse this dynamic by thinking back to something you’ve rolled your eyes at previously, like his offer to take you trekking (ugh), and tell him you’d like to try it with him. As he starts to see that you’re open to his ideas, he’ll step up.
He Slacks Off in the Sack
When a guy knows how to make you orgasm and is one hundred percent positive that you love him, hairy back and all, he can lose motivation to man-scape or switch things up in the bedroom. “Get him to break out some new moves by having sex somewhere unexpected, like the floor of the kitchen; you’re introducing something different, which forces him to respond differently,” says Berger. But be sure to turn him down if he comes on to you looking or smelling like a slob. “Say, ‘I’d love to kiss you, but your beard is so scratchy,’” says Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of How To Be A Couple And Still Be Free. You can also sidle up to him pre-shower and say, “The way you feel when you’re freshly shaved really turns me on.” Then deliver on that statement.
He’d Rather Starve Than Sauté
He appreciates your cooking, but he’d also be perfectly content eating slimy cold cuts for dinner, so there’s no incentive for him to help. Plus, he lacks confidence. “Most men are intimidated by the kitchen,” says Tessina. “You have to teach him—start by asking him to shop for food.” If he gets the wrong kind of rice, don’t make a big deal out of it, other wise he’ll curl into the fetal position and never go grocery shopping again (kidding...kind of). Once he finds out he can gather supplies for a meal, have him help with the food prep. Finally, tell him your fantasy is a man who cooks, and could he make it come true next Tuesday night?
Which One Is She Again?
Sure, he likes your friends, but he doesn’t go out of his way to spend time with them or get to know them the way you do with his friends. Harrumph. “Women generally have stronger social skills than men do,” says Tessina. “They have larger support systems and are more comfortable holding their own in a big group of people, even if they don’t know them very well.” Men, not so much. “To help break the ice, invite him to join you and your friends in an activity he’d have a hard time passing up, like dinner at his favourite restaurant,” advises Berger. When men are comfortable in a setting, the whole bonding thing will happen organically.
He Gives You Stationery for Your Birthday
Listen, it would be awesome if every birthday or holiday your guy surprised you with exactly what you wanted without you ever having to say a word about it. But it would also be awesome if we were Beyoncé, so...yeah. You’d be much better off giving your guy a heads-up about what you want. Doesn’t sound romantic? Au contraire. “It’s actually a loving gesture,” says Berger. “It gives him the opportunity to make you happy, which all men want to do, and it’s also taking care of your own happiness.” A week before the big day, mention that you have a wish list in case he’s interested in
checking it out. Include options so you’ll still be surprised by which one he picks.