What To Say When Your Friend Is Dating an A**hole

We’ve all got a friend who thinks her boyfriend rivals Ryan Gosling when, actually, he’s Scott Disick 2.0 (the D-bag dating Kourtney Kardashian— we don’t approve BTW). So, do you tell her—and jeopardise your friendship— or suck it up and suffer in his company? Experts say you want to strike a delicate balance between honesty and honouring the friendship. “You need to respect your friend’s choice, but at the same time, you’re free to choose who you spend time with,” says Sue Yorston, centre manager at Relationships Australia Victoria.

The Non-Confrontational Approach:

If you’d rather burst blisters than have a difficult conversation, all is not lost. Firstly, try seeing the guy from your friend’s perspective. Ask her what it is she finds special about him. “You may find that your assumptions are wrong,” points out Yorston. If you still don’t like him? Ask her some questions, suggests Relationship Australia counsellor Kylie Dunjey. “If her boyfriend is controlling, for example, say something like, ‘How is it for you when you go somewhere he doesn’t want to go?’”. “By asking a question, you aren’t stating a criticism as such, but rather encouraging awareness for your friend around the behaviour you think is a problem.” That might help her start to see the relationship more clearly. And if all else fails?

Ask to spend quality time with your friend one-on-one—there’s no need to pretend you like him if he’s simply not around.

The Gung-Ho Approach:

If you’re an ‘all cards on the table’ kind of girl, this is one time you need to tread carefully, warns Dunjey. “So that your friend understands you’re just looking out for her because you love her, you need to determine if the grievance is actually worth airing, or whether it makes more sense to let it go,” Dunjey advises. “She could be left wondering if you’re more interested in your own opinion than in her happiness—and that could result in her doubting the quality of your friendship.”