57 Things That Happen After You Screenshot Your Crush

So you’re cyber-stalking your crush. That’s totally normal. And sure, you want to know what your friends think, so you take a screenshot of Matt. Everyone does it!

You need to be careful, though. One slip of the thumb and you might accidentally send it to him. Or worse: Tweet it. Follow this to-do list to ensure proper disposal of the dreaded screenshot-of-a-crush:

1. Send the screenshot to a close friend.
2. Take a bunch of random pictures to have on your phone so that the picture of him gets pushed down. Don’t shy away from taking photos of your lunch–this is no time to worry about being too basic.
3. Delete the screenshot from your phone (save the lunch pics–you may need likes later!).
4. Empty the ‘recently deleted’ album from your phone.
5. Delete the conversation with your friend.
6. Wonder what filter Matt used. The greens popped!
7. Sigh, and think about how artsy he is. Not a lot of men understand Instagram filters.
8. Worry that you won’t really know if the screenshot was deleted until you restart your phone.
9. Turn your phone off.
10. Ponder the meaning of life in your four seconds without access to your phone.
11. Turn your phone back on. Check and make sure the photo is still deleted.
12. Purge all your social media accounts so you don’t accidentally post the screenshot that you’ve long-since deleted.
13. Panic that your friend still has the screenshot on her phone, and ask her to delete it.
14. If your friend hasn’t responded in 30 seconds, block her number and deny ever knowing her. Now that screenshot is her problem! Why is she such a creep that she’s screenshotting Matt!? She’s never even met him.
15. Receive a text from Matt. Glow with joy. He’s texting you!!
16. Fill with dread. What if you accidentally text him back the screenshot?
17. Plan out how you’d justify sending him the screenshot if you accidentally did have a slip of the thumb. Settle on saying “lol nice filter” in the event that you do send him a photo of himself.
18. Also figure out how to respond to his text.
19. Settle on “lol.” Always an effective response to men.
20. After sending him “lol”, check back 14 times to make sure you didn’t also send him the screenshot of him.
21. Consider how you’d explain it to your friends and family if you accidentally sent Matt that screenshot. They’d be so embarrassed to know you! Would you have to send individual apology texts, or would a long Facebook post do?
22. Look over both shoulders and wonder if the pedestrians staring at you know that you screenshotted Matt this morning. How dare they judge! Let she who’s never screenshotted a crush cast the first–oh, wait, they are judging because you’re stopped at a green light.
23. Drive. Don’t text! And definitely don’t screenshot any more crushes.
24. Wonder what your Matt’s favorite TV show is. He’s so cute.
25. Go to his social media account to see if his favourite TV show is listed, and then panic as you remember the screenshot of him you took that morning.
26. Wonder again if the screenshot could still somehow be saved on your phone. 
27. Throw your phone into a lake.
28. Prepare to dive into the lake.
29. Realize you’d ruin your new leggings. Also, people aren’t supposed to swim in leather. Gently barter with a scuba diver for his suit.
30. Swim to the bottom of the lake to confirm that the phone is dead.
31. Remember the scene in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire where they swam to the bottom of the lake? I think it was because Harry screenshotted Cho Chang. I don’t remember!
32. Thank the scuba diver who lent you the scuba suit. You owe him your life!
33. Decide you actually might have a crush on the scuba guy instead. You like man- buns! 
34. Realize you no longer have a crush on Matt. Don’t let this stop you from worrying about the screenshot of him. What if it’s saved in “the cloud”?
35. What is “the cloud”? Does anyone know?
36. Delete your entire Apple account. Just to be on the safe side.
37. Apologize to your mom (you were on a family plan).
38. Look up scuba man-bun on social media. Wow, he used to have a long beard? That shows so much patience! And he’s into exotic animals! For example, he has a dog.
39. Realise that your old crush didn’t have a dog–does he hate animals or something?
40. Think again about the screenshot of Matt. Wonder if Apple has saved it somewhere. Do THEY know about the screenshot of your definitely-former-like-you’re-sooooo-over-it crush?
41. Buy an Android phone, and vow to never go back to Apple. They know too much!
42. Bring a lawsuit against Apple for saving your data against your will.
43. Win the lawsuit, earn international praise and fame.
44. Think about the screenshot one more time. Return to step one.
45. After repeating steps 1-43, realize that scuba man-bun has texted you.
46. With the money from the lawsuit, buy a house and change your name. Just so no one ever tracks down that screenshot, you know.
47. Invite scuba man-bun to visit. You’re near the ocean! Or, a lake. Or, a small pond. Well, it might be a pond. You have a big bathtub.
48. Listen as scuba man-bun declares his love to you. He gets your name wrong, but that’s ok. You only changed it to avoid Matt ever finding out that you screenshotted him.
49. Declare love in return.
50. Reactivate all your social media accounts. You have to post that you have a boyfriend now, obviously.
51. Drink two glasses of red wine and start stalking scuba man-bun on Instagram.
52. Click on a picture of him and his ex. She snorkels. Whatever!
53. Buy snorkeling equipment.
54. Return to his Instagram page.
55. Think about how nice he looks with the filters.
56. Wish you could show him to your friends.
57. Take a screenshot.

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