How to Give Yourself an Anal Orgasm Like the Independent Boss Woman You Are

All I want for my birthday is a big booty...orgasm.

image Rubin Chamorro Guzman

There’s lots of talk about how to achieve an anal orgasm with a partner, but what if you’re looking to give yourself that mind-boggling, life-changing booty O? I mean, it’s 2019, people! We’re independent women who are in charge of everything and anything having to do with our sexuality—including our anal orgasms.

New to anal masturbation? Don’t sweat it. We asked three experts to help us put together a foolproof eight-step guide to anal masturbation if it’s your first time.

1. Get wet.

“Anal masturbation isn’t just about the pursuit of getting off,” explains pleasure coach Tyomi Morgan. “It’s also about connecting with one of your erogenous zones that has been culturally stigmatised as a ‘taboo area.’” So set the mood and make your anal exploration time a sacred and Zen place. And what better time to do that than in the shower?

Try adding a few drops of lavender essential oil into the stream of your hot shower, suggests Morgan. “Create a spa-like atmosphere in your bathroom. Clean your booty, bend over, and allow the water from the shower to stimulate your anus. Breathe deeply, allowing the essential oils to relax your body, and connect consciously with your anus,” Morgan suggests.

2. Turn yourself on the old-fashioned way.

“It helps to knock out a clitoral orgasm (err, or five) beforehand so that you’re already really turned on, in the mood, and ready for more action,” suggests relationship and sex expert Emily Morse, host of the SiriusXM Radio show and podcast Sex With Emily.

Start with your normal masturbation routine, then you’ll be prepped and ready to take your fingers and toys backdoor for more fun.

3. Invest some time in foreplay.

When you’re ready to get into it, try a little foreplay. “Start by stroking, massaging, and lightly spanking your butt cheeks, moving closer and closer to the anal opening,” suggests Kait Scalisi, MPH sex educator and founder of Passion by Kait. “Don’t worry about penetration to start—most nerve endings in the booty are right at the butthole.”

4. Get situated.

Don’t be shocked if it takes you a few tries to find the perfect position. “It’s no surprise that it can be difficult to manoeuver the backdoor if you’re not used to the area,” says Morse. I mean, after all, it’s not exactly the easiest or most comfortable place to reach—especially if you’re not a flexible person.

So instead of holding your arm in a weird bending contortion, experiment with different positions until you find something comfortable. For example, you can lie on your back with a pillow under your pelvis arching your butt up, so you have easier access. Or get on your knees and bend over so that the area spreads open more naturally, says Morse.

5. Take a breather.

“Solo anal play makes practicing relaxation and deep breathing easy,” says Morgan. And anal masturbation requires conscious awareness to feel pleasure instead of pain. So know this: Resistance against stimulation will cause tension and create a less-than-pleasurable experience. Tell yourself to relax while breathing into your anus, and this will assist you with training your anal sphincters to relax into pressure instead of resisting, says Morgan.

6. Bust out the quality lube.

The anus isn’t self-lubricating like the vagina is, which is why it’s even more important to invest in some good, body-safe lubricant that can create a comfortable, friction-reducing experience for you.

Morgan suggests using a water-based lubricant, since it’s easy to clean up and nourishes the membranes of the anus. “My favourite is Muse Essence water-based lube because it’s pH-balanced and vegan. Treat your anus by investing in good products to maintain balanced health,” she says.

7. Slip a finger in.

“The easiest and least expensive way to begin your exploration into anal masturbation is to start by using your own fingers,” says Morgan. Lube up your index or middle finger, and rub your anal opening and inner rim. You can increase the pressure and depth of penetration as you become more aroused, says Morgan.

Using your fingers during anal masturbation does require short nails, so make sure you’re cleaning up carefully beforehand to fully enjoy bum play.

8. If you’re feeling up for it, try working a toy in.

“If you’re just trying to get into anal masturbation, a butt plug is a great way to start,” says Morse. But make sure you use something with a flared end so you don’t have to make an embarrassing trip to the emergency room to have it removed. “I love B-Vibe because they have beginner anal training kits as well as a range of snug plugs that gradually grow in size and are all incredibly comfortable to use.”

Look for toys that are simple plugs or others that vibrate for even more sensation, Morgan adds. “Anal bullets and vibrators, graded anal beads, glass dildos, and silicone dongs are also good options.”