20 Things That Make Guys Irrationally Horny

Certain things can make guys horny. Such is life for men with ding-a-lings hanging between their legs. 

Naked people, pictures of naked people, moving images of naked people, being naked, being touched by a naked person, and being touched while naked are all on that list of things that can affect his, uh, privates. And as you can see, that list tends to be largely nudity-related.

But sometimes things make men horny, and they're like, "Brain and genitals, I don't know what you two are talking about but I just don't get it." Here are some things that tend to make guys hard out of literally nowhere.

1. Tan lines.

I don't know what it is about these sun-kissed lines that turn men on, but they seriously have a thing for the juxtaposition of colors they're seeing. "More people are just seemingly more attractive when tanner," says Kyle C., 29.

2. Athletic clothes.

Whether you're coming back from the gym or working your athleisure post-grocery run, it's the double whammy of looking fit and sexy that really woo's dudes.

3. Glasses.

"It's probably something about looking more academic, but to be honest, a good pair of glasses just makes a woman's face more interesting," says Josef G., 28

4. Baseball caps.

Let's be real, dudes love their sports team. So what's sexier than you sporting a baseball cap that you 10/10 times can wear better than some old dude playing catch on a field? Case closed.

5. Good grammar.

Not to be the grammar police, but knowing the difference between there, their, and they're definitely shows, girl. "If someone speaks really bad English, I end up just super agitated," says Alex Z., 28.

6. That song that takes him back because it was playing the first time he had an orgasm in the back of a car.

Everyone has that song (or songs) that gets them in the mood. Maybe it's a pulsing techno anthem, or a rock song that feels sexy, or a song that was on in the background when he had the best sex of his life.

7. Getting a whiff of your perfume.

Smell is the strongest sense tied to memory. Plus, perfume is designed to be attractive. If someone walks by who happens to smell like his partner or former lover, he's definitely wondering why he's so hot and bothered.

8. Catching a glimpse of his naked body in the mirror and realizing he's looking pretty great today.

People love being naked. And although you might not admit to it, you've definitely caught a look at yourself on your way to the shower on a particularly good day and thought, Yeah, OK. Not too shabby.

9. Eating a few slices of pumpkin pie ... or strawberries ... or oysters.

The list of foods that double as aphrodisiacs is incredibly long (and often disputed). So while not everyone might want a side of orgasm with their slice of pumpkin pie, he probably has a food or two that does it for him.

10. When you show up in a red dress.

Yeah, there's a reason Valentine's Day is all about the color red. Studies show that it's the color most closely associated with arousal. So next time you're trying to seduce someone, throw on a red dress.

11. Getting in a tickle fight while you're still in bed on a Sunday morning.

This is technically a fetish, but it's an incredibly common one. Known as "knismolagnia," it's part of the reason you get into tickle fights with your partner.

12. When you scratch his back.

Yeah, this one is different enough to get it's own name: acarophilia.

13. Getting into bed with some new clean sheets on it.

If you love sliding into a freshly changed bed, you're not alone. According to a U.K. survey, men and women both find clean sheets a turn-on. This might explain the appeal of hotel sex.

14. Fear.

Yeah, the fear boner is sort of real. It's supported by science (Thanks, science!) but fear doesn't actually arouse you in a direct way like other things on this list. It's really a "misattribution of arousal." Basically, fear and arousal share certain elements in common (shortness of breath, a rise in blood pressure). You're scared, but your brain decides that maybe you're horny instead.

15. When you throw on his dress shirt in the morning.

There's something really sexy about a woman wearing one of his shirts. There shouldn't be any reason a beautiful woman putting men's clothes on turns them on, but here we are.

16. If you know how to play guitar.

Musicians are sexy. And pretty much any instrument counts, except for maybe accordion. Actually, even accordion couldn't hurt.

17. Being able to make him laugh.

A great sense of humor is always sexy. I'd say the best foreplay is laughter, but that's not true. The best foreplay is oral sex.

18. Confidence.

There are few things sexier than a woman walking into a room and just dominating it. An outgoing, self-assured personality is like catnip, but for men.

19. Witty conversations.

Call it advanced flirting or verbal jousting if you prefer. But good conversation is sexy.

20. Being super, super, super nerdy about your hobbies.

"Nerdy" is just another way of saying "so passionate that it's embarrassing." You don't need to be super into the stereotypical "guy stuff" like video games or Star Wars. Being passionate about something — anything — is just sexy.