Sexual attraction - Why These Men Aren't Sexually Attracted to Their Partners Anymore

Our sex drives peak and trough throughout our lives because of so many reasons - our physical and mental health, medication we're taking, what's going on in our lives etc. But what about when you realise that rather than just having a little wobble, you're not sexually attracted to your partner anymore? Can you ever work through that feeling, or is it time to call time on the relationship?

Here, 11 men who've realised they're not sexually attracted to their girlfriends and wives anymore explain why.

1."After the honeymoon phase of a relationship, it's easy to get complacent, take things for granted and get lazy in the cultivation of desire and eroticism. I went through a period of being less attracted (and less attractive) for these reasons - but it made me sad and I wanted to change it. Eventually I learned that the grass is greenest where you water it. Above appearances, you have to take time to share experiences and fun, but also leverage distance to create longing and desire. Things have been outstanding since and I'm insanely attracted to my wife."

2."I'm going through this now. We've been together for six years and married for two, and I just don't feel attracted to her anymore and can't get [an erection]. I'm only 26. I know there are some underlying problems within our relationship, and when I can't get it up she gets pissed off about it. I don't have the heart to tell her, but i think she feels like the relationship is coming to end. she told me a few weeks ago she has the seven-year itch." 

3."She has zero hobbies and sits in front of the TV in bed for days. She doesn't help with chores and gets mad and defensive when I ask for help. She never takes any initiative to engage in sexy times. I still tell myself it will get better, but it hasn't. I have zero sexual attraction to her as of right now." 

4."My wife is my best friend and I love her very much. I love coming home to her every night. Our sex life used to be quite active and adventurous, trying new and different things. But over the last few years she just hasn't been open to anything more than vanilla/routine. She would mount me and use a vibrator while we both got off and finished within 10 minutes. That was OK as long as it occurred on a regular basis, but that slowly devolved into once a week, then once a month, then once every six months.

 

"I got tired of being the only one to initiate sex"

 

5."I eventually just lost interest in having sex with her and came to view her as a companion instead of a sexual being. I also got tired of being the only one to initiate sex. Once the train comes to a complete stop it's very hard - nay, impossible - to get the steam built up again to get it moving. We have a comfortable friendship now devoid of any sexual activity. It's sad and I miss it, but I've faced the reality that I am in a dead bedroom. I am not owing it solely to her - I too have lost interest." 

6."When the rose coloured glasses came off as the honeymoon phase came to an end. I realised that I that I wasn't attracted to her personality, which bled into me no longer being attracted to her physically. I wish it wasn't the case, because she was a great girlfriend."

7."In a long relationship the passion normally waxes and wanes. During low periods it's not that I'm less attracted to her, it's just that other things are taking priority over sexy time. It's harmful to think of men as insatiable sex beasts. We have stress and anxiety over things and sometimes sex takes a back seat. Those issues weigh ever heavier when your partner starts freaking out that we've fallen out of love with her if you don't have sex for a bit too long." 

 

"It's harmful to think of men as insatiable sex beasts"

 

8."Her behaviour (which turned out to be mental illness) made me less able to trust her. It started with just not wanting to be around her a lot, and eventually ended with my not even wanting to make physical contact with her at all."

9."The main thing is that my sex drive has dropped massively due to health issues. She was never perfectly my type for sexual attraction, and as my drive has dropped, the range of people I have any sexual interest in has dropped too." 

10."Her overall negativity is probably [to blame]. There's nothing like having someone who is fun and happy turn into a constantly complaining asshole about things they could actually change." 

11. "She got jealous. The more jealous she got the less attracted I got, which caused her to be jealous. Eventually I completely emotionally shut down. It's now six years later and I'm married to someone else."