Hilarious First Time Sex Bloopers




Remember that steamy-yet-romantic scene in Titanic when Rose and Jack get it on in the backseat of a car? These first-time stories are nothing like that. 

All Pain and No Gain

"My first time was definitely awkward. The guy I was with kept saying stuff like 'How's that for you, you dirty girl?' and 'Tell me how much you want me.' He also dragged me into about 30 different positions. I felt like I was doing Pilates! When we were finished, I went to hug him but accidentally swung my hand out too fast and ended up whacking him really hard on the penis. I was embarrassed, and he was in pain. At least I can laugh about it now."

- Emily, 21

Overly Gushy Guy

"My boyfriend and I finally decided to do it after having multiple talks about making sure the first time would be special. Afterward, I mused 'I can't believe I'm not a virgin anymore,' and he freaked out! Turns out, he thought we had been talking about having our first time together. He kept asking 'Did I hurt you?' and 'Are you okay?' which got to be way too much after a while. He ended up being the emotional one, not me!"

- Jessi, 24

The Devil Made Me Do It

"I was raised by a very strict father, who doesn't believe in premarital sex. Being the rebellious teenager that I was, I ended up losing my virginity with a guy friend… During a church picnic. We did it on the gross floor of the girls' bathroom while everyone was in the gymnasium for a service. And believe me, it wasn't a celestial experience."

- Halle, 32

He's Not So Handy

"My first boyfriend and I were both virgins. He was trying to use his finger down there and accidentally stuck it in the wrong hole. It lasted all of two seconds, but I lost it. I died laughing, and he was completely mortified. In fact, just remembering it right now has me cracking up."

- Ashley, 25

Oh, We Started?

"I held out until after college to lose my virginity, and it was definitely not the orgasmic event I was hoping for. My less-than-endowed boyfriend and I decided we'd do the deed one night, and during a heavy petting session, I told him I was ready. His response? 'I'm already in you.' Oops!"

- Chelsea, 27

One Hell of a Mating Call

"When my guy and I decided to get intimate, we had roses, candles-the works. He didn't utter a peep during the act, and I thought maybe he wasn't into it. Finally, he let out this crazy noise that sounded like 'gaaah-guh-guh-guh!' It was his orgasm! I laughed so hard, I couldn't finish."

- Tracy, 19