Loading..

20 Things He Thinks About Your Emojis

It's like millennial woman hieroglyphics.

1. Lots of Love Hearts

These are the best emoji we can possibly be sent, for several reasons:

  • They're easy to understand.
  • We know we're not in trouble.
  • We can easily respond by spamming a series of hearts back.
This is the holy trinity of emoji because it takes no effort on our part to understand or respond to. If you love your boyfriend, only send him heart emoji.

2. Any Other Weirdly Specific Emoji You Use Way Too Often

What the hell? Seriously. 

3. Baby

Are you pregnant? Are you pregnant and trying to tell us via emoji? Never, ever, ever use this, even if you're just randomly selecting emojis.

4. Gibberish

Speaking of arbitrary strings of emojis, what are we supposed to do with this? We have three ways to respond here: "hi," "OK," or "lol." If you want to start up a conversation, just ask.

5. Skulls

We are in trouble. 

6. Side Eyes

What is really happening in these? Are they ambivalent? Are these faces meant to be a visualization of "eh"? There's too much room for error here. Sending us one of these is the equivalent of blankly staring during an actual conversation. They're also way too similar.

7. Thumbs Up

We've said something terrible. The thumbs-up emoji is only used in sarcastic situations, just like in real life: The only person who legitimately gives a thumbs up is your dad.

8. OK + Point

The sexiest possible combination of emojis.

9. Sad Faces

You're sad, but nothing that terrible could've happened if you're expressing it in emojis.

10. Shame

We just won that argument, or you just admitted to us that you binge-watched two seasons of Scandal without getting out of bed.

11. Anything With the Poop Emoji

You're drunk.

12. Fire

Either you're saying we're hot, or the building you're in is aflame and we should alert the local fire department. 

13. The Wink

You just used a double-entendre.

14. Prayer

You are praying to Beyoncé, your lord and savior.

15. Fists

Either you're going to ambush us when we get home or you're waiting for the other half of that fist bump.

16. Gun/Head Combos

The next time we see you, you're going to tell us all about your awful day at work.

17. Green Heart

You love us and it's St. Patrick's Day.

18. People Kissing a Baby

Sex, but as mentioned previously, this is not cool to include a baby. Just use the OK/point combo next time.

19. Eggplant

Either that's supposed to be a dildo/penis or you need us to pick up an eggplant from the store. Nine times out of 10, it is not being used as an eggplant.

20. Tongue

This means you're sticking your tongue out at us because you're teasing us. However, this hugely changes meaning when paired up with the eggplant.

Follow Frank on Twitter.