What It's Really Like To Watch Porn With Your Partner

Porn can be a difficult topic for a lot of couples to talk about. If you watch porn while you're in a relationship, does it mean you're sexually dissatisfied with your partner? (Spoiler: no). And if you want to watch porn with your partner, will that be super awkward? In this week's Sex Talk Realness, Cosmopolitan.com spoke with three women about what it's really like to watch porn with your partner and whether or not it made their relationships better. 

How old are you?

Woman A: 25. 

Woman B: 23.

Woman C: 26. 

What is your sexual orientation? 

Woman A: Heteroflexible. 

Woman B: Bisexual.

Woman C: Bisexual.

How long have you been with your current partner? 

Woman A: A little over a year.

Woman B: We've been dating for about five months.

Woman C: Two years.

When did you and your partner first start watching porn together?

Woman A: I can't remember exactly when we started watching porn together. I think it was probably a couple months into dating.

Woman B: Since the beginning of our relationship. 

Woman C: After about 8 months of dating.

Who initially brought it up and what did you watch first?

Woman A: I was the first person to start bringing up watching porn together. I had recently gotten into watching porn star Carter Cruise and I told my boyfriend to watch some of her stuff because I really liked her.

Woman B: I was the one who broached the subject as something I would be interested in doing together. The first time he and I watched together we agreed on a website that we both enjoyed using individually and scrolled through the videos until we found one that sounded like something we both would like.

Woman C: I brought it up and we searched for a film together. I'm pretty sure we ended up watching a threesome with three women. Well, started watching it, and then we got distracted by each other. 

Had you watched porn with previous partners? 

Woman A: I had discussed porn with previous partners, but we were never fully open about it the way I am in my relationship now. With past partners, we'd mention watching porn together but never discussed details as to what we watched, what we liked, etc.

Woman B: I've watched porn with most of my previous partners. I like watching porn with partners because it's a fun way to explore what the other person might be into. I've also found it can trigger a lot of interesting and open conversations.

Woman C: Yes. If we're both watching porn separately, I don't see why we can't watch it together. It brings you closer and you get to know your partner's preferences in a different way. 

Would you say you or your partner is more into watching porn together than the other is? 

Woman A: I know my boyfriend looks at porn almost daily. It shows up on his Reddit feed and he will occasionally send me some gifs, pictures, or short videos of things he likes throughout the day. I love when I'm at work and I get a link sent to me with a "warning: porn" message. I would say he is definitely more into watching it than I am..

Woman B: I would say I'm probably a little more into it than he is, just because I'm the one who usually suggests we watch it. Maybe it's just because I've watched with partners before, but I'm the first partner he has watched porn with. 

Woman C: I am more into watching porn than my boyfriend is. He prefers to watch our home videos rather than watching strangers. I like the different options that come from porn because you can watch pretty much anything. 

How is watching porn by yourself different than watching it with a partner?

Woman A: Watching porn with your partner is exciting because you can discuss what you do or don't like about what you're watching. I also like that it's more of a shared experience. When virtual reality porn came out recently, we passed the VR cardboard back and forth. It was fun to watch a new form of porn together.

Woman B: When I watch porn by myself I'm more likely to check out something that I haven't before, whereas with a partner I tend to go for things that I know we would both definitely be into. 

Woman C: It is always going to be easier to pick a movie when you're by yourself. With a partner, you both have to agree on it. Usually if I'm by myself I'll watch the whole video. When I'm watching it with my partner I never make it through the whole video because we get distracted by each other.

Why do you enjoy watching porn together?

Woman A: Porn is something we both like to watch, so it's a fun couple activity. It's helpful to get a feel for what your partner likes and it's healthy to keep everything open. I also like seeing something in a porn and then actually trying it in real life. 

Woman B: I like that it feels a little naughty and I love the energy that it ends up creating. It often leads to us trying new positions or techniques that we might not have thought to try otherwise. 

Woman C: It can be inspiring to try things or get a glimpse into your partner's fetishes. We're both voyeurs, so it is fun to share that with each other. 

How does watching porn together impact your sex life? Do you have sex before, during, or after watching it? 

Woman A: It really depends on the day. Honestly, most of the time when we look at porn together it's because he saw something he liked or I wanted to show him this hot picture I had seen on a Tumblr. It's more of a foreplay thing for us. My boyfriend really enjoys looking at porn while I'm going down on him though, so that happens on occasion.

Woman B: I think watching porn has definitely made our sex life better. It helped us discuss things that we're into without feeling any embarrassment or judgment, and we're both more willing to vocalize things we'd like to try. When we watch it together, we'll usually pick a video while we're both still clothed and try to keep our hands off each other. As the video gets more intense, so do we. We'll leave it on during sex and once we're done we'll turn it off.

Woman C: Positively.We have sex while the video plays, so watching it often gets neglected at a certain point. 

What were your biggest concerns about watching porn with your partner, if any?

Woman A: I never really had any concerns. I think sometimes people get jealous of their partner watching porn and I understand that concern, but I like porn too and I know it's healthy to want to watch it. Porn is more about pleasure and arousal than anything else. I like that my partner is willing to share that part of his life with me.

Woman B: Previously, my biggest concern about watching porn with a partner was that they would judge what I wanted to watch, but that's never happened so far.

Woman C: At first I was worried about my partner judging my likes and dislikes. I enjoy watching women have sex with each other, but my partner is a cisgender man so I was nervous he would be upset. He was not upset at all.

How, if at all, has watching porn together impacted your relationship?

Woman A: I think sharing my porn interests with my partner has made our sex life better and our relationship more open, in general. Like I said, he does enjoy watching porn while masturbating and I like that sometimes I can help him with that.

Woman B: It's strengthened our communication and our trust with each other. It can feel intimidating to show someone the stuff that gets you off, but I really love the bond that we've developed because we're able to share that side of ourselves with each other.

Woman C: It forced a conversation to happen that ultimately brought us closer together and more able to explore our kinks. 

What advice would you give to other women who might want to watch porn with their partners?

Woman A: Do it! I think once you get past the idea that porn isn't 100 percent "real" it can be fun to watch it together and you can experience your partner in a whole different way.

Woman B: Tell them! If you don't want to bluntly tell them that you want to watch porn together, bring it up in a casual roundabout way. Ask what kind of porn they like to watch by themselves and then ask if they'd ever be interested in watching it together. It might feel a little embarrassing to talk about at first, but just remember that it's not weird and you'll feel more comfortable the more you talk about it. Make sure you're on the same page about what types of porn you're both open to watching as well.

Woman C: You should definitely do it, but not before you watch porn on your own and figure out what you like. If you are already pro-porn, then there is no reason not to include your partner. If you aren't quite sure about what to watch, then I would recommend exploring that first before being influenced by what your partner enjoys watching. 

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