The story of your first kiss is almost guaranteed to be a little awkward, but some stories really take the awkward first-kiss cake. Cosmopolitan.com spoke with these eight women about their hilariously awkward first kisses.
1. I was so nervous I blurted out, "Have you read Jurassic Park? Such a good book."
"The first time a guy tried to kiss me was on a sidewalk outside of a Friendly's when I was 13. When he attempted, I was so nervous I blurted out, "Have you read Jurassic Park? Such a good book." It startled him enough to pause so I thought I had been given a reprieve, but then he leaned in again so quickly that my instinct was to step back to regain personal space, and I fell off the curb and right on my ass. So embarrassing. We successfully kissed a few hours later at my parents' house in between my father pretending to dust around us while we were watching TV." -Danielle
2. "The first time I kissed my boyfriend, I made sure to slip my chewing gum into his mouth."
"Before I had ever kissed anyone, I had conducted approximately 8,000 hours of 'research' on the matter (Judy Blume novels, Cosmo magazine, spying on older girls' conversations). One of my friends, who had been with her boyfriend for a whole year, said that to 'spice things up,' she and her man used to eat cookies before making out and then pass chewed-up morsels back and forth. I thought this sounded really sexy and advanced, so the first time I kissed my boyfriend, I made sure to slip my chewing gum into his mouth. He pulled back with a totally grossed-out look on his face, removed the gum from his mouth, threw it in the trash, and went back to smooching me. I was mildly devastated that he didn't like my killer move." -Jess
3. "He backed away and I ended up kissing his chin."
"He was so much taller than me so it was nearly impossible to impulsively kiss him, but I decided to go for it. Unfortunately, he had no idea why my face was getting closer to his, so he backed away and I ended up kissing his chin. He didn't try to kiss me again." -Emilee
4. "We never talked at school again."
"I didn't have my first kiss until I was a sophomore in high school, much later than most of my friends, so it was something I stressed out about a lot. I didn't date much, or at all until then either. This guy Matt messaged me and asked if I wanted to come over to his house around 12 a.m. or so. I wasn't allowed to go out with anyone at night or anything, so I had to sneak out of my window and walk the four or five blocks to his house and then sneak inside his window. We sat in his bed watching Conan O'Brien in silence and then he kissed me. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and it was cotton-mouth central. I tried to put all of my friends' advice to practice, but it was just not happening. Soon after, we stopped and I proceeded to jump out of his window, walk home, and then jump back into mine. We never talked at school again." -Lunden
5. "I laughed so hard at the cheesy pickup line that I spit in his mouth."
"It was the end of freshman year in high school and one night, my best friend's Sam's brother invited
her and me to hang out with him and his best friend Adam. Sam and I sat next to each other but Adam came all the way to the other side to sit next to me. About halfway through the movie, Adam leaned over and seductively said, 'I'm going to go to the bathroom.' I replied, 'Um, cool?' not knowing why a 17-year-old boy would need to tell me when he is going to the bathroom. Next thing I know, I get a text from a random number that said, 'It's Adam, I'm watching the end of X-Men: The Last Stand, come watch it with me.' I walked into the movie, sat down by him, and one minute later, the movie was over, and I suggested we go back into the other movie. Adam then grabbed my arm and said, 'Wait, do you want to see my superpower?' I laughed so hard at the cheesy pickup line that I spit in his mouth as he went in for
the makeout. As expected, I haven't heard from Adam since." -Ellie
6. "When the ride dropped, I almost bit his tongue off!"
"My first real kiss (with tongue) was pretty awkward. I was 13 and it was the last day of school in eighth grade. Our school took honor students to Water World and my fifth-grade boyfriend Luke and I were still really good friends and decided to hang out there together, along with his friend who was in high school. Apparently, my former boyfriend still had a crush on me; I was so naive and I had no idea. We all decided to go on a ride together and when it got dark in the ride, my friend leaned in for a kiss, but I had no idea what I was doing and when the ride dropped, I almost bit his tongue off! And of course, everyone on the trip found out about it right away." -Bianca
7. "We took a detour into the cemetery and kissed for a few minutes behind a tree."
"A boy I had a crush on called me on the phone and asked me to go see a movie. As we were walking home from the movie, he suggested we should go somewhere and make out. We took a detour into the cemetery and kissed for a few minutes behind a tree and then he asked if I wanted to be friends with benefits, something every young girl obviously dreams of hearing after her first kiss! We never made out again. Also, it turned out that two of my friends had secretly followed us home from the movie theater andwatched the whole awkward thing unravel." -Eve
8. "I farted so loudly I swore I woke my own parents up."
"I finally went out with a boy I'd liked for a year. Once we got to my house, he leaned in to kiss meand I farted so loudly I swore I woke my own parents up. We both laughed and then he went home. He called me later but I never called him back because I couldn't face him after that. Nope. Never." -Kristen
By Lane Moore
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