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8 of the Most EXPENSIVE Sex Toys Money Can Buy

There are nipple clamps, and then there are 18 carat gold nipple clamps.

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    Minx Fur Butt Plug by Crystal Delights

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    Tantra Sex Chair by Tantra Chair

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    Ostrich Feather Tickler by Betony Vernon

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    Nipple Clamps by Betony Vernon

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    Inez Vibrator by Lelo

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    Nell Pleasure Seed Vibrator by Coco de Mer

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    King JCobra Cock Ring by Velv'Or

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    The Pearl Royal Vibrator

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  • How Much: $155

    What It Does: Stimulates the anus, making it feel "full." Sometimes used to prepare for anal sex. Also, it's soft.

    Best Product Review: "The tail is a beautiful Canadian Red Fox that matched my hair color perfectly."

    Remember: Use lubrication. And don't drop—it's made of glass.

    Buy here.

  • How Much: $1,300

    What It Does: Angles pelvic muscles to hit all the right chokras. See: tantric sex.

    Best Product Review: "Our favorite chair!"

    Remember: Available in multiple colors to match the other upholstery.

    Buy here.

  • How Much: $2,900

    What It Does: Tickles things.

    Best Product Review: "A feather tickler that is also a stylish cocktail party accessory."

    Remember: Don't sneeze.

    Buy here.

  • How Much: $5,270 for 18KT gold set

    What It Does: Force blood from the area, heightening sensation and causing arousing pain. For, but certainly not limited to, a woman's nipples.

    Best Product Review: "Gorgeous."

    Remember: Don't wear for longer than 15 minutes.

    Buy here.

  • How Much: $7,900 for silver; $15,000 for gold

    What It Does: Vibrates wherever you want it to vibrate, but specialized for insertion. Shaped to accommodate multiple pleasure points.

    Best Product Review: "I mean, without a 24-carat gold vibrator, can anyone truly consider themselves sexually fulfilled?"

    Remember: Requires time to charge.

    Buy here.

  • How Much: $15,500 for 18KT gold

    What It Does: Vibrates wherever you want it to vibrate, but can't be inserted into much.

    Best Product Review: "I liked the way it built up its intensity, like a seed growing and blossoming into something bigger and wonderful."

    Remember: It's shaped like a coco de mer seed. Seeds are small. Don't lose it.

    Buy here.

  • How Much: $118,700

    What It Does: Massages a man's perineum for extended periods of times.

    Best Product Review: "An item that makes them feel 'on top of the world,' wearing this crown jewel for their own crown jewels."

    Remember: Do not attempt to remove while erect.

    Buy here.

  • How Much: $1,000,000

    What It Does: Vibrates. With solid platinum covered in 1,000 diamonds, sapphires, and pearls, it better sparkle, too.

    Best Product Review: Yeah, like anyone has actually used it.

    Remember: Don't lose precious gemstones in your body cavities.

    Buy nowhere.