#1. Chase & Sanborn Coffee
"Yeah, because God forbid right? A woman who doesn't scramble at the break of dawn to brew you the freshest of brews? Flog her!"
"And if she isn't cute, what is her retail value, really? Would I not prefer to buy an attractive mixer-grinder or sweeping robot?"
#3. Underwood Typewriters
"Because, for me, as woman, the key shining quality of a typewriter has very little to do with printing quality and smoothness of keys. Keep my nails lookin' swell, that's my motto!"
#4. Van Heusen Ties
"Indeeeeeed! *smirk smirk snicker snicker* and if she gets out of hand, tie her to the bedpost with this Van Heusen beauty till she remembers her place."
#5. Lux for underthings
"Dearie! You have a career, passion, and talent—but wouldn't you rather lose those 'nothing' qualities and trade 'em in for being perspiration-free? After all, you won't catch a man with those silly things, and then all your little dreams won't come true!"
#6. Drummond Sweaters
"Awww! Look at you, trying to run away from the kitchen and climb a mountain! Silly girl, you should know better. Now go fold my shirts."
"Yeah, b*tch. This is YOUR fault."
#8. Lux for stockings
"Lux—making a living off of sexism since 1899"
#9. Heinz Ketchup
"Gee whizz! Even WE can uncap this bottle? I better be careful, next thing I know I'll be dreaming of opening a jar without help, too!"
#10. New Ivory Soap
"Damn straight, mother! Take a goddamn bath and calm the f*ck down. All your constant subservience and servitude is kinda working my manly nerves."
#11. CO-LE Sales Company
"Why would you ever fathom stopping? Look how happy she is!"
#12. Warner undergarments
"If he cheats, slaps you around or spits out your food right in your face, you only have your fruit-shaped rear to blame."
#13. Hush Puppies
"LULLLZ! Those feminist b*tches be like..."
#14. Mini Automatic
"Dawwww! Don't look so confused! Even a WOMAN can move it around—we swear!
"Because anyone who thinks there's a difference between a deep fryer and a woman is just the kookiest of kooks."
#16. Tipalet cigarettes
"We're all really just suckers for demeaning gestures that blow smoke up our nostrils. Which are hairless and pristine, as a good lady's must be."
"Of course we know we're useful! Do you think the dishes wash themselves?!"
#18. Venereal Disease Awareness
"Because, as Dr Dre so eloquently put it, 'B*tches ain't shit but hoes and tricks'".
"Girls, if we pool all our tears, we can take over the town!"
#20. Lustre Cream
"I saw one of 'em 'girlie boys' in pink once, so I had my man burn him alive!"