A hot dress and pro flirting skills can make most guys show in interest in you. But if you want him to be head-over-heels, crazy-in-love with you, you need more serious ammo. That's where science comes in-well researched, tried-and-tested, proven ideas that always have the desired conclusion. Enter Leil Lowndes, author How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You, whose book features a host of strategies that promise to make anyone fall in love you. We've taken 10 of the best tips for you so landing the man of your dreams is as simple as reading a 4-page feature!
1 First impression, last impression
According to scientists, the very first time a guy sees you can be the moment he decides whether you'll be the mother of his children or just another face in the crowd. Liel's advice: since you could meet a great guy anywhere, dress for the kill every time you step out the door. According to Liel, "We get lazy about first impressions if we don't get noticed the first few times. But the average sale is not made till the fifth sales call. So, give it more time." We realise that it may not be possible to have perfect hair and make-up every minute of every day, so simply resort to wearing lipstick as often as you can. In a recent study, researchers asked men to talk with six different women who sometimes wore make-up, sometimes didn't. The study revealed that the male opinion of each woman was very different when she wore lipstick. Chanel Rouge Allure, anyone?
Start working the eyes
Some people might be 'butt people', others might have a thing for legs, but, say experts, everybody is an 'eye person'. According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, unrelenting eye contact stimulates a highly emotional state similar to fear. When you look directly into someone's eyes, their body secretes chemicals like phenyl ethylamine, or PEA, that stimulates the feeling of being in love. People gaze lingeringly at sights that please and immediately look away from things they dislike. Your eyes are your biggest giveaways, when you're bored, the first thing to look away are your eyes. Direct eye contact triggers a primitive part of the human brain, calling forth one of two basic emotions-approach or retreat. According to Liel, "When conversing with your potential love interest, exaggerate your eye contact. Push it up to 75 percent of the time or more if you want to get the PEA gushing through his veins."
Be open to making the first move
You're probably wondering how, or more, importantly why? Research has shown that women initiate two-thirds of all encounters. This too is part of nature's grand design. A female chimpanzee will actually walk up to the male and tip her buttocks towards his nose as a mating call. And while we aren't expecting you to be as brazen, when you do spot a potential, don't wait for his approach. "Nature decrees that you must make the first move," stresses Liel, "so there's no need to feel shy about it."
So what are the techniques that will get a stranger to take instant interest in you? According to one study, these are the five most successful first moves: smiling at him broadly; throwing him a short, darting glance; dancing alone to the music; looking straight at him and flipping your hair; and keeping a fixed gaze on him.
Let your body do the talking
Science has proven that early body language is crucial to whether love will develop or not. Researcher Dr Timothy Perper found that when both men and women stuck to a precise sequence of moments, the couple wound up making a date.
According to Dr Perper, there are five subconscious body language steps that help develop love with a potential, and he calls it 'The Dance of Intimacy'. Start with a nonverbal signal, anything between a smile and a nod to acknowledge the person in front of you. Step two is some sort of verbal communication (even a simple 'Hi' will do), followed by step three, which is turning your body to face the person's. The fourth step is small subtle touching while talking (like accidentally brushing against his arm), and the last step is synchronization.
"As though to conform their newfound attraction towards each other, the couple begins to move in tandem. They may reach for their drinks at the same time, sway to the music together," says Dr Perper. To use the Dance of Intimacy to your advantage, remember the steps and play them out in real life. So if a guy is staring at you from across the bar, acknowledge him with a smile. Or if a cute guy walks up to you, angle your body to face his. "When a potential levels sights at you, you must show you're willing and be a good follower in the Dance of Intimacy," guides Dr Perper.
Use the word 'we' prematurely
Create the sensation of intimacy with your potential, regardless of how long you've known each other. Liel refers to this as the 'premature we'.
"Scramble the conversation signals. Say you're chatting with a potential at a party, ask about his feelings the way his friends would. 'Do you enjoy parties?' Then proceed to the lover's level using 'we' statements. 'Yes, we've really got stamina to last all night, don't we?'" Usage of the word 'we' subliminally makes him feel as though you're already an item or in very close, hence, setting the stage for further pursuit.
Confess a little secret
A fascinating study revealed that when a person of superior competence makes a mistake, we respect them more, but when a person of average competence makes a blunder, respect for him goes down. It stands true for budding romance as well. Confessing a small folly to your potential might actually help him open up and feel closer. In Liel's words, "If you sense your conversation with a potential is going smoothly, make a minor revelation about yourself. It creates intimacy." Make sure to only accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Avoid information overload, though. It's important that the reveal is very minor. Experiment with something along the lines of, 'I bite my nails' or 'My last boss was such a difficult person.' By sharing a secret, you let your potential know you're not on guard.
Don't play hard to get
Yes, we realise that's not what you were expecting. Ever since we've known of men, we've been told by every single person that playing hard to get the quickest-and only-way to a guy's heart. But, according to scientists and studies, that's not recommended. At least, not at first.
Four researchers tested and retested the hypothesis in five different ways and all five methods failed to change the result. Which means you might want to rethink your dating strategy.
When he asks you out, enthusiastically agree, 'Oh, I'd love to!' There's no need to waste time hesitating or trying to sound busy because he may get conscious and never ask again.
However, there is a loophole. Men enjoy competition. If they feel you're hard to get for their competitors, but easier for them, they tend to like you a lot more. For him, to know he beat all the other potential suitors makes you more desirable. Always let him know about your popularity status. "Subtly drop hints that you are hard to get for other men. But be very subtle." advises Liel.
No first date dinners
First date staple? You're probably thinking dinner. But if you're looking for him to fall deeply in love, dinner may not be the best choice for a memorable first date. There is evidence that you will appear more attractive to your potential if you put him in a vulnerable situation. Researchers have proved a strong link between emotional arousal and sexual attraction. Anxiety-inducing situations produce the same substance the early stages of infatuation secretes. Also, facing a stressful situation together makes you closer. Arrange to watch a scary movie together-it will get his anxiety levels rising. "Then, of course, it is nice to have dinner afterwards so you can discuss the traumatic experience," says Lein.
Have you ever met anyone and immediately felt, 'This person and I have a lot in common?' Contrary to the old chestnut, 'Opposites attract', studies tell us lovers are drawn to partners with similar attitudes, values, interests, and outlooks on life because it makes them feel safe and secure. "We feel close to this person," explains Leil. "Love romanticises that closeness into, 'It's you and me, baby, alone against this mad world'."
But you don't have to be similar to your potential to make him think you are. You can simply use the right words to give him 'that family feeling'. "Pay close attention to the words and terms he uses," advises Lein. Maybe he refers to his job as 'profession', or calls his phone 'Blackberry." "Simply echo the same words back at him in your conversation, and he will feel closer to you instantly, without realising why" explains Lein.
Try an ego massage
Most people spend their lives trying to find that one person who will treat them like the special being they are. If you can make your potential feel that special, they will fall in love with you. But not just any bunch of compliments will do, explains Lein. You need to figure out the ones your potential craves. "There are those who want to be perceived as Mr Clean, a playboy, a princess, or a wonderful crack-pot genius," says Lein. "You must listen between the lines to uncover how your potential sees himself, and then support that self-image." So if he sees himself as a creative artist who hasn't been discovered yet, compliment him on his work and assure him how wonderful he is. If he is a little vain and insecure, keep telling he's good looking. Over time, your potential will associate you with positive, secure feelings and will need to have you around.