We have a hunch why so many millions of people eagerly watch HBO's True Blood every Sunday night...and it's not just because of the great acting and writing. Nope, it's because watching Sookie and Bill (or Jason and, well, everyone else) rip each other's clothes off and engage in uninhibited, unbridled sex is really, really hot. That might also explain why we were so quick to believe recent reports that Nicole Kidman described her sex life with hubby Keith Urban as raw and dangerous.
Turns out, Kidman was misquoted... but that didn't stop us from being seriously intrigued by the concept and wanting to know more. What exactly is raw sex? Experts describe it as that purely physical, slightly rough, almost dangerous, gotta-have-you-now sex. The kind where you morph into a sensual animal, leaving you incapable of thinking of (or doing) anything but satisfying your cravings. And it turns out that single-mindedly using each other's bodies to make yourselves feel good can bring you closer. "It's extremely bonding because it reaffirms that you both still lust after each other," says clinical sexologist Eric Garrison, author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. Oh, and that laser focus you have on your bodies? It feels a-ma-zing.
If raw sex had a motto, it would be Just Do It - whenever and wherever the urge strikes. "The point is to have sex because it feels good, period," says Natasha Valdez, EdD, author of A Little Bit Kinky. "You have to let all your inhibitions fly out of the window and focus on fulfilling your needs only." Translation: when it comes to raw sex, it's not just okay to be selfish, it's encouraged.
But that actually works in everyone's favour. By concentrating on your own pleasure, you won't be distracted by self-conscious worries about how you're performing. That allows you to be totally overcome by your desire, which strokes your guy's ego and turns him on. Plus, when you have particularly intense sex, your brain interprets it as something unusual and exciting. That, in turn, prompts the release of an especially potent cocktail of feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, Valdez explains.
Raw sex is also a great de-stressor. Because it's so intense, your mind is cleared of any unrelated thoughts about money, work, or whether you remembered to DVR True Blood.
It's Go Time
Raw sex is truly possible only when you're overcome by desire. So that means you just have to go with it, whether you're in your driveway after a great evening out or waking up from an especially naughty dream. To intensify the passion even more, don't be afraid to grab a fistful of his hair as you kiss him. Or if he's wearing an old crappy tee, rip a hole in it. This will give him permission to get a little crazy with you, and the rush of doing something wild will also heighten your desire even more.
Do it up against a wall or remove only absolutely necessary articles of clothing before getting down to it. Cadell explains. "It's very arousing for both of you, and it helps transform the sex into something especially intense." It's great for your bonding as it breaks the routine and brings in a new lease of freshness in your relationship.
Give Him a Heads-Up
Once you are together, however, Valdez recommends giving your guy advance warning before doing things you've never done before. "You don't want to overstep boundaries," Cadell says. "No matter how close you are, everybody has them." Of course, it's also important to mix raw sex with slower, more tender sex. "You need to have a good balance of both," Cadell explains. "If you have raw sex all the time, that can become boring too."