A sex coach decodes Sabrina Carpenter’s most scathing lyrics from ‘Man’s Best Friend’
Man’s Best Friend is finally here—and there’s plenty of horniness and toxic male behaviour to analyse.
After months of teasing, a little controversy, and a few alternate album covers (“approved by God”), Sabrina Carpenter’s seventh album, Man’s Best Friend is finally out.
And, as promised by the singer (and former Cosmo cover girl) herself, it’s “not for the pearl clutchers.” Across 12 tracks, Sabrina and her trademark tongue-in-cheek wit get into horniness (obvs) and sexual frustration, rocky relationships and shitty breakups, and the phenomenon of men treating women like dogs—while spectacularly fumbling the bag.
It’s a classique Sabrina record, meaning there’s lots of funny, cutting, and relatable lyrics to unpack. So, as we all hunker down to spend the last summer weekend skipping around to Man’s Best Friend, we thought we’d have a go at decoding some of the most scathing lyrics, themes, and dynamics on the album (FYI, we haven’t analyzed every track).
To help out, Cosmo UK asked sex and relationships coach Lucy Rowett to shed some light on why people (in this context: straight men) do the things they do in dating—and to offer some advice for what to do if you, too, find yourself in these toxic dynamics.
“Manchild”
Okay, “Manchild” has been out in the world for a while—since June 5, to be exact—so we all know it off by heart by now. ICYMI, it’s pretty self-explanatory: it’s about manchildren and the frustration of dealing with, and dating, immature men. It’s an experience most, if not all, women who date men will have experienced. So, the big question: why do so many of us, including world famous pop stars, get stuck dating childish men?
“In part thanks to social media, women are much more aware of and alert to shitty behavior from men than previous generations, who may have dismissed [such behavior] as normal,” says Rowett. “We’re also a generation who’ve prioritized personal growth, so we’re [not just aware of this behavior, but] we’re refusing to tolerate it. We know there’s a growing gap between men and women, sadly, as more women embrace feminism, personal growth, and deprioritizing romantic relationships as our sole source of happiness. Many men haven’t caught up to that.”
It doesn’t help that gender norms haven’t really shifted with the times, with women still shouldering the burden of domestic chores, childcare, and emotional labour. Unforch, while there are plenty of fish in the sea, they’re all still swimming under the patriarchy, so you’re bound to catch a clown fish once in a while.
And if you do, should you throw it back? Or is it possible to make things work? “When navigating a relationship with a manchild, you need to be aware of any tendency you might have to want to ‘rescue’ or ‘help’ them, because it will bite you on the bum later and leave you feeling resentful,” advises Rowett. “You can’t generalize people, but when you stop trying to overcompensate in your relationship, you’ll soon see that either your man steps up or the relationship falls apart.”
“Tears”
The second single from the album, “Tears,” is about being turned on by a communicative, responsible man who respects women, texts back, does the dishes, and assembles Ikea furniture. Essentially, if your love language is “acts of service,” this song is for you. “I get wet at the thought of you / Being a responsible guy,” sings Sabrina. Not a manchild, then.
So, seeing as it feels like common knowledge that it’s sexy when men, you know, treat women nicely and do shit around the house (yes, give us crumbs!!!!), why don’t more men do it?
“I don’t think a lot of straight men do actually realise that women find it hot,” argues Rowett. “Or many that do still see it as a way to get sex or be seen as a ‘good guy,’ rather than what it is, which is: a fundamental way of respecting your partner and not seeing them as your mom.”
But why is this bare minimum so (shamefully) sexy? “It’s a turn-on because it means that he doesn’t see you as his mom to another woman to take care of him,” Rowett continues. “It means you can actually see him as a lover, not another kind of child, which is one of the biggest passion-killers in relationships.”
“My Man on Willpower”
This track is about a boyfriend who’s gotten really into self-restraint and self-improvement, to the detriment of his relationship. Think: being hyper-focused on early morning gym seshes, so he has to go to bed really early before any sex can be had. Or, if we’re role-reversing, adopting a 12-step skincare routine that requires you to go to bed lathered in products and with your mouth taped up.
This isn’t really a gendered phenomenon. For all of us, it often feels like we have to choose between willpower and restraint or eroticism and having a laugh. Who’s gonna make their 6am HIIT class if they’ve been shagging all night?
So, the question for Rowett: how do we find balance and practice this kind of ‘self-care’ while still nurturing our relationships? “Like anything in life, self-improvement stops being fun—and stops improving your life—when you take it to the extreme,” she says. “As a culture, and fueled by social media and the self-improvement industry, we’ve become far too obsessed with ‘optimizing’ ourselves with the message that, ‘By doing this, we’ll be happier, richer, hotter, and more successful.’It’s such an insidious message, and we’re seeing how it can turn toxic.
“When your whole life becomes about self-improvement—from your morning routines to skincare to fitness and diet—frankly, you become a bore to be around. And, ironically, it strips your life of joy and connection.”
If this sounds like you—or your beau—Rowett suggests asking yourself, “If what you’re doing is adding to your life quality, as in giving you joy, peace, energy, and connection, or if it’s just another thing you feel like you ‘should’ do, and it’s actually isolating you.”
“Sugar Talking”
“Sugar Talking” is about a guy giving the big talk but not actually treating you nicely—but you still want to fuck him. You just want him to shut the fuck up and, as per the lyrics, “put [his] loving where [his] mouth is.” Another relatable one—and topical, as it feels like something the internet’s new fave archetype, the “performative male,” might do.
So, why is it so common for people’s actions to not match up to their words? “I think the TikTok relationship/life coach gurus and dude-bros giving shit relationship advice are partly to blame for this, even if this behavior existed long before TikTok,” says Rowett. “It boils down to a man just seeing women as something to fuck, rather than a whole human being with needs.”
She continues, “It’s highly immature behavior, and some men sadly never grow out of it, so they’ll use whatever behavior they can to get a woman into bed, and then they show their real selves.” And yet, like Sabrina, we still wanna fuck them…why?!
“We’re attracted to people who don’t treat us well for all sorts of reasons, but sometimes the most simple is that the chemistry is off the wall and the sex is the best you’ve ever had. It’s really normal to be super attracted to somebody who’s bad for you but the chemistry is undeniable—why do you think there are so many songs about it?!”
“We Almost Broke Up Again Last Night”
Another self-explanatory one: this track is about a toxic relationship where two people keep almost breaking up, but often when they decide to officially call it quits, the relationship miraculously improves again.
“This is a song I think everyone can relate to at some point in their lives,” says Rowett. “The only thing that makes [this dynamic] change is if both people commit to serious behavior change and examine what patterns are playing out between you.”
Rowett says this dynamic often improves at the point of actually breaking up because “you’re both flooded with the adrenaline and cortisol that comes from the stress of breaking up, then flooded with the oxytocin and dopamine (aka the honeymoon phase) when you get back together.” She adds: “This cycle can be seriously addictive and hard to get out of, especially if you’re used to your relationship being dramatic.”
If this sounds like you, Rowett advises that you really look at the pattern that plays out and what happens when your relationship starts to go bad, then ask: what can you do differently? “And are both of you willing to change? Or is it just you doing all the work?”
“Goodbye”
The album’s closer, “Goodbye,” is a warning to Sabrina’s future lovers: you should think things through before breaking up with her because once you’re done, you’re done for good. This is a lesson we should probably all take into our romantic lives. To a) try to avoid breaking up with someone on an impulse, and b) to strive for a clean break-up—which, yes, is hard. But has getting back with an ex ever really worked for anyone?
If you’re someone who has a history of changing your mind about relationships overnight (a trait Rowett says could be caused by anxiety or fear of commitment, and isn’t helped by black-and-white relationship advice on social media), Rowett advises taking a beat, pausing any impulsive decisions for 24 to 48 hours, and doing something that grounds you.
Spend a bit of time thinking about the decision—that way, you’ll be more sure it’s something you want, or don’t want, to go through with. And then you’ll (hopefully) save your ex the messiness of sliding into their DMs four months down the line.
Credit: Cosmopolitan