Here's why women are not love-drunk anymore and choosing to be 'boy-sober'
Reclaiming time, energy, and boundaries with boy sobriety.
Dating apps have turned your modern romance into a full-time job—swiping, texting, decoding emojis (are you serious?) and waiting for replies that may actually never come. We know how exhausting it can get chasing after someone who doesn’t feel the same, yet so many of us find ourselves in that loop. Add to that the emotional burnout of overthinking every message and being chronically online only to end up shitposting constantly in the hope that it might catch their attention. For many women, this cycle of swiping, chatting, and chasing a one-way connection feels less like fun and more like emotional burnout. That’s why many women are choosing to step back and go boy sober.
With the holiday season right around the corner, many women are taking a step back to reevaluate their priorities and shift their focus inward. Instead of spending energy navigating the ups and downs of dating, they're reclaiming their time to invest in personal growth and hobbies, and cultivating meaningful relationships with themselves and others.
What do you mean by going ‘boy sober?’
The concept of "boy sobriety" isn't about swearing off relationships forever; rather, it's a conscious decision to pause the pursuit of romance and redirect energy toward self-discovery and self-care. For some, it’s about breaking free from toxic patterns. For others, it’s about finally giving themselves permission to breathe and prioritise what truly matters. By choosing to go boy sober, women are setting firm boundaries, learning to listen to their own needs, and discovering what truly brings them joy and fulfilment. The result? A stronger sense of self-worth, a clearer vision for the future, and, ironically, a greater openness to healthier connections down the road.
For many women, the decision to embrace boy sobriety is rooted in personal experiences that have inspired the need to prioritise self-love and personal growth.
“I realised that being in a relationship with someone who lacks maturity only leads to toxicity. There’s no trust, lack of support (emotional, mental, and physical), and no practical thinking,” says Ishika Kanade, a content creator. “As a mature woman, it’s exhausting to navigate that constantly. Taking a break was my way of stepping back from immaturity and prioritising my peace and career.” For Ishika, boy sobriety wasn’t about giving up on love but rather creating space for healthier connections while focusing on her own happiness and goals.
Similarly, Marrita Monteirro shares how stepping back from dating after a decade-long relationship was a transformative experience. “Having been in a relationship that ran its course over 10 years, I had lost a sense of my being, my identity. As I have struggled through the end of it and battled being alone in the house, I have come out as a survivor who lives all by herself without the aid of anyone. It’s taken tears and a lot of sleepless nights to become who I am today,” she says.
Marrita highlights the importance of recognising one’s worth, especially after dedicating years to a relationship. “So when I have worked so hard on myself and invested so much in my growth as a social media personality, I will not have it thwarted or jeopardised for temporary happiness out of desperation. I am putting efforts and focusing more on how I can progress further, and what new heights I can achieve. This leaves me with no time to be in the vicious circle of dating games.”
Dating, while rewarding at its best, often requires emotional bandwidth, time, and energy. For women who’ve faced constant disappointment, unhealthy patterns, or simply the exhaustion of modern dating culture, boy sobriety feels like a way to reclaim control. By stepping back, they’re no longer chasing external validation and instead are fostering an environment of self-acceptance and inner peace.
What are the benefits of taking this pause?
Taking a break from dating creates the mental and emotional space to dive deep into self-reflection. Many women discover patterns in their past relationships—choosing partners who don’t align with their values or tolerating behaviours they previously overlooked. This time allows them to ask meaningful questions like, “What do I truly want out of a partnership?” or “Am I aligning my life with my own values or someone else’s?” For many, this pause helps shift the focus inward. Instead of looking for someone to "complete" them, they realise they’re already whole and deserving of love and respect—starting with themselves.
Additionally, Taking a step back from dating allows women to strengthen their emotional core. Without the rollercoaster of dating—highs from a promising new connection, followed by disappointment when it fizzles out—they develop healthier coping mechanisms and greater emotional independence. This resilience prepares women for future relationships by helping them set boundaries, recognize red flags, and walk away from situations that do not match up with their needs. Most importantly, it builds inside a deep-seated self-worth unrelated to one's opinion or affection.
Boy sobriety isn’t rooted in bitterness or resentment toward men or relationships. In fact, many women who embrace this concept view it as an act of self-love rather than rejection. By stepping away from the pressure to date, they’re rewriting the narrative: happiness isn’t dependent on being partnered—it starts from within. For some, this hiatus may last a few months; for others, it might extend longer. The timeline isn’t the point. The focus is on rediscovering what it means to be whole and fulfilled as an individual.
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