How soon is it too soon to say ‘I love you’ when you're dating?

We’re no experts or love gurus, when it comes to matters of the heart, but we do know that the three words—I love you—hold meaning in a relationship, especially when it is said for the first time. This milestone in the relationship is, of course, driven by emotions, but it will do no harm to think through it a tad rationally. To begin with, it shouldn’t be said unless you realise that what you have with the person is more than just infatuation and you can’t imagine a single moment without them. And chances are you may feel this before your partner does. And that is okay, because when it comes to saying ‘I love you’ for the first time or in all other matters of the heart, it’s not a race between you and your partner. What is important is that you truly feel what you say. So, if you are wondering when to say the three words, here’s what you should know… 

The intent, more than the timing, is important

’Is it too soon?’, ’Do I really love them?’, ’What if they don’t feel the same way?’—the list of questions that pop up in your head, when you are considering making the first big move, is endless. And the next step isn’t easy either, as you may choose to wait and introspect how you feel, and then wait some more to find an answer to how long you should wait. At such a time, hit pause. Take deep breaths and go by what your gut says. Remember, there is never a right answer, and there is never a ‘right’ time. If you feel strongly about it, just go ahead and say it.

Don’t be confused between love and infatuation

You have just been struck by Cupid’s arrow or have experienced the dreamy ‘love at first sight’. In that case, it is too soon to say 'I love you' in just a few days of meeting the person. It’s likely you might be confusing infatuation and love. Take your time to get to know the person and understand what you truly feel about them, which takes us to the next point… 

Giveaway signs you love them

Ask yourself these questions to better understand your feelings: Are you attached and attracted to them? Do you wish to be with them without changing them? Do you trust them? Do you see a future with them? Is your life better with them around, and do you want to keep it that way? If your answer to all the above is yes, know that you’re in love. And to be sure if your partner is falling for you before you confess your feelings to them, pay attention to their body language when they’re around you. If you have been getting positive responses to your expressions of love, if they notice the little things you do, if they try to impress you, and are nervous around you for no reason, then it only means that the two of you are falling in love with each other. 

What to do if you’re at the receiving end of ‘I love you’

You and your partner won’t automatically fall in love at the same time, and that’s absolutely fine. Not every ‘I love you’ needs to necessarily be reciprocated with ‘I love you, too’; that is, if you don’t feel it as strongly as the other person. At such a time, you can, maybe, say stuff like, ‘I love spending time with you’, ‘I appreciate you so much’, ‘I love how close we’ve become’, or just a simple and straightforward, ‘I really care about you, but I’m not sure if I can call those feelings love’. Remember, saying ‘thank you’ or ‘welcome’ or not replying at all may not be the best thing to do (don’t let Big’s “You’re welcome” to Carrie’s impulsive “I love you” in Sex and the City, give you any wrong ideas!).
If they well and truly love you, then they will be patient and respect where you stand. You won’t feel the pressure to say something you aren’t ready to say.

What truly matters at the end of the day

 

Letting your partner know how you feel, despite them not being on the same page, can often strengthen a relationship; you knew how you felt and were honest to yourself and to your special someone about it, and that’s all that is to it. For all you know, your confession may make them realise how they feel about you.

When not to say it

While you now know what to say and when to say it, it is equally important to know when not to say it. Do not say your first ‘I love you’ to your partner during sex, or when you are drunk, and definitely not over text. Saying it in person, especially for the first time, is something you and your partner will cherish forever.