Why is getting over your first love so hard?

Your first love stays with you forever. That one particular song, your favourite dating spot, the mention of their name or passing by their lane, just about anything can transport you back to your first love. 

My first relationship was special to me; it was also a very emotional one. Most first-timers believe their first relationship will last forever, and they foresee spending future with them, wedding bells and what not (do not ever let yourself think this far!). Looking back, my first relationship felt like the bumpiest roller coaster. Everything had a heightened and overpowering touch but also a very fresh and exciting feeling to it. According to break-up expert Kate Galt, "Your first love is mostly a projection of the vast reality of love that is already inside you." And I agree with her. 

When you get into your first relationship, you experience everything for the first time—everything you know, have seen or imagined about love. We are at that stage where we think we will be able to deal with anything in the world but the thought of losing the person feels absolutely impossible. But why is it so? Why is getting over this first everything not easy? Read on to know.  

There is a psychological explanation for why the grieving process for a first love is so unique. According to Assoc. Prof. Karantzas at Deakin University, “We are wired for human connection.” A relationship is typically enjoyed because of the shared intimacy and the ability to share your daily life with another individual. In your first relationship, you tend to focus all your energy on that one person. It reflects "the innocence you perceive, the commonalities you have with the people, and the beauty around you", according to Galt, explaining why first love can feel so intoxicating. 

When you initially fall in love with someone, new neural processes are formed in your brain. Dawn Maslar, a biologist and authority on the chemistry of love, shares that the dopamine surge that takes place when you experience romantic feelings is comparable to using a drug for the first time. "You get this imprinted high that you want to keep chasing," she says. She further explains that the amygdala, which is a warning system in the brain, acts up after a bad break-up. The association between romantic relationships and pain is developed, especially when you do not have a reference point for how relationships can end. 

I learnt that most things come to an end. It surely felt unfair that my relationship was snatched from me at that time, but giving myself time and engaging in hobbies really helped. If you’ve had your first relationship, you will know you should hold onto the good times because they will always be special and will surely make for a good story later. And if you have not, don’t be scared, it is a fun and special journey you will be a part of.

Getting over your first love is not always easy—and it's not supposed to be. Accepting that the relationship had a lasting emotional mark on you is the first step to breaking free. And however you choose to let the past go, remember to be patient and kind to yourself.