Am I a ‘bad texter’ or are people expecting too much from me?
Hear me out: the ‘good texters’ are the problem.
Stop apologising,” comes the reply. “You’re cheapening the art of apology.”
I have just sent a cursory, ‘Sorry I didn’t text you back’, to a friend after once again leaving them on read. We’d been in a rapid-fire back-and-forth — a rare thing to catch me in — when I suddenly stopped replying, and didn’t resurface for 12 days.
My friend is, ofc, right to tell me to stop apologising if it doesn’t come with any actionable change. Am I actually sorry I didn’t text back if I continue to… not text back? Well, yes and no. During those two weeks, there wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think about her unread WhatsApps — hers and all the others. My own green-dotted, guilt-ridden hellscape. And yet, I didn’t do anything about it.
Much has been written about people like me — the ‘bad texter’ — usually by the offenders themselves (hi!). They might offer a feeble apology, haphazard defence, or very genuine explanation. For my part, there are instances I am, honestly, very sorry for: the birthday dinner I missed because I didn’t open the messages inviting me; the two childhood friends I ghosted for four months; the now years-old voice note from an old colleague I still haven’t listened to. And there are explanations, too: a job that requires me to be always logged on, which can make all screentime feel like work; a bereavement that made anything other than grieving impossible; a stubborn adamance to only message via WhatsApp Desktop.
And I’m not alone in my shame-filled habit. More and more people around me seem to be referring to themselves as ‘bad texters’. Being reachable 24/7 on multiple platforms is, it appears, starting to take its toll. With the time we have outside of work — and, if living with a partner or housemates, the time we spend alone — feeling increasingly precious, the last thing many of us want to do is spend that time typing to names on a screen. When we polled* you, dear Cosmo readers, about feeling overwhelmed by messages, 49% of you said you ‘sometimes’ did, 27% said you ‘often’ did, and 12% said you did ‘constantly’. That’s a staggering 88% of you feeling the burden of ‘always on’ communication, on a pretty regular basis.
A more appropriate name for this feeling might be ‘digital burnout’, which is a type of burnout — a state of emotional and physical exhaustion due to prolonged, usually work-related, stress — triggered specifically by excessive use of digital devices. A 2025 survey by EY found that 38% of UK respondents are concerned about their screen time and are keen to have a ‘digital detox’, with 47% of those aged 18 to 34 seeing their online activities as more disruptive than beneficial to their wellbeing. And, as per a 2025 Deloitte survey, people are starting to take action, with 29% of Gen Z respondents saying they’ve deleted a social media app in the past year, 50% of all respondents turning off notifications for one or more apps, and 18% setting screen time limits.
This widespread digital fatigue is likely a hangover from the pandemic, when IRL interactions were swapped for video calls and Zoom quizzes, and our homes became our workplaces and third spaces. Our screen time skyrocketed, with a 2022 University of Leeds survey finding that 54% of British adults use screens more often than before, clocking up an average 11 hours or more each day. Interestingly, ‘bad texters’ aren’t necessarily spending less time on their phones. My own phone is almost constantly in my hand — I regularly use it to read the news, scroll on Instagram or TikTok, and do the New York Times daily crossword. There are just lots of times when I CBA to talk to anyone.
Credit: Cosmopolitan