Does your relationship pass the ‘linen drawer test’? A couples therapist explains

I live with the kind of man other women tell me I’m lucky to have. And honestly, they’re not wrong. He’s considerate, communicative, and doesn’t flinch at the phrase ‘feelings chat’. Which is why I was genuinely thrown the day I found him flinging open drawers in our bedroom like a man on the brink, eyes wide, energy panicked. “Where have you put the spare bedding?” he asked.

I’m sorry, what? This man has lived with me for over five years. For those same five years, the spare bedding has been kept in, yep, the exact same place (bottom drawer of my side of the wardrobe, if you were wondering.) Has he really never been the one to go and fetch the sheets in (reaches for calculator) 1,825 days?

It got me thinking about those viral relationship tests that regularly do the rounds on TikTok: the orange peel theory (would your partner instinctively peel an orange for you without being asked?); the mustard test (do they replace something when it runs out?). These quick-fire prompts have become a kind of shorthand for measuring effort, attentiveness, and emotional intelligence in modern relationships.

TikTok might not seem like the most obvious place for serious relationship analysis, but it’s become a surprising hub for calling out quiet domestic inequalities. Videos tagged with #MentalLoad and #EmotionalLabour have racked up millions of views, with creators breaking down how these patterns show up in everyday life. It’s part performance, part therapy. And, crucially, it’s helping people — especially women — put words to something they’ve felt for years but couldn’t quite name.

So here’s another one for the list: the linen drawer test. Ask your partner one simple question: Where do we keep the spare bedding? Now watch closely. Do they answer without hesitation? Or do they stare at you like you’ve just spoken fluent Finnish?

According to Lovehoney sex and relationship expert, Annabelle Knight, the question goes deeper than it seems. “The ‘linen drawer test’ might feel lighthearted, but it taps into a deeper truth about emotional labour and how domestic responsibility is shared,” she explains. “If one partner consistently carries the mental load — knowing where everything is, planning, organising, and simply remembering — it can be a sign of imbalance that could eventually impact intimacy and connection.”

It’s the kind of imbalance that often flies under the radar — until something seemingly small throws it into sharp focus. “Not knowing where simple, commonly used items are in the house might seem innocuous, but it can also point towards a one-sided relationship in terms of domestic responsibility,” says Annabelle. “Not knowing where the linen is kept (see also: cleaning items) could suggest that the person never makes the bed, or does the cleaning.”

Now, of course, that doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is off-balance. “It might well be that the couple have chosen to spread chores equally, which would point to a healthier relationship,” she adds. “But if this is not the case, then there is definitely a mismatch of power and responsibility in the relationship.”

That’s what makes the linen drawer test — and others like it — so compelling. They’re not scientific, but they do offer a quick gut-check. “In a healthy relationship, emotional and physical labour should be equally split between you,” says Annabelle. “That might not necessarily mean a 50/50 split either, as different couples might divide their time differently, but at the very least this should be an open conversation.”

I started asking around, curious to see how other people fared with the test. For Laura, 30, and her boyfriend James, 32, the linen drawer wasn’t a mystery at all. “We’ve always had a rule that whoever does the laundry has to put everything away properly,” she told me. “That way we both know where things are. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who expected me to run the house like his mum. That’s an ick right there.”

Tom, 27, admitted he probably wouldn’t pass, but wasn’t too fussed. “I asked Rosie if she thought I’d pass and she just laughed at me. Apparently I’ve never changed the bed without being told, but I do most of the cooking. So I figured it kind of balanced out?”

That kind of trade-off can work — but only if both partners agree on it. “Good relationships are born from good communication,” says Annabelle. “Having an open discussion about sharing the load is where you start. It will vary from couple to couple, but having some sort of rota to split chores can be helpful.”

The key, she says, is to speak up before things simmer too long. “If you find that you are picking up too much of the housework or other emotional labour, then flag this to your partner as soon as possible. Holding it in will only cause resentment down the line.”

So what do you do if your partner flunks the test? First things first: resist the urge to turn it into a courtroom drama about duvet covers. “It should be used to open a line of communication, and it definitely shouldn’t be used as points-scoring, or an opportunity to gloat or say ‘I told you so’,” says Annabelle. “If it turns out that your significant other doesn’t know where the linen is kept, then you should gently explore with them what that means: ‘Are we splitting chores equally, if you’ve never made the bed?’”

Of course, your partner might be picking up other responsibilities — the cooking, the finances, the weekly food shop — and that’s fine, as long as the division of labour is something both of you feel good about. “Entering the conversation with hostility will likely end in an argument, with the issues left unresolved,” she adds, “so try to enter with an open, calm mind.”

But are these TikTok type tests actually helpful, or are they just another way to feel bad about our relationships? “It really depends on how you use them,” Annabelle says. “If you are treating them as law, then they are going to be completely reductive. If you’re using the tests as guidelines to look into aspects of your relationship, then they can be helpful. Ultimately, most of these trends are designed to catch people out, as they rely on entertainment value to survive, so they tend to be stacked in favour of the person conducting it.”

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about setting up your relationship to fail some made-up test. It’s about using a seemingly small moment to check in on the bigger picture. Does your relationship feel like a team effort? Or are you quietly project-managing everything while your partner coasts along, blissfully unaware? Because the chances are, if they don’t know where the pillowcases are… it’s not really about the pillowcases.

For the record, my partner says he knows where the spare bedding is now. I haven’t tested him again… yet. But I’m keeping it in the exact same drawer, just in case. Not because I’m waiting to catch him out, but because, in a funny way, that bottom drawer has become a kind of symbol. Of all the tiny, invisible things we do for the people we love. Of how easy it is to overlook them. And of how something as ordinary as a stack of folded sheets can quietly reveal who’s really keeping track of the details — and who’s just opening drawers hoping for the best.