Is cuffing season toxic?

While opinions on cuffing season timelines vary, I think most would agree we are officially in the thick of it—the time of year when, as internet legend has it, everybody scrambles to get into a relationship and “cuff” themselves to a partner lest they be forced to face the winter months (and the holidays) alone.

Often, cuffing season is presented as a somewhat wholesome alternative to the sultry summer flings that come before it—a time to settle down, get serious, and hold hands in a pumpkin patch for all of Instagram to see. Cuffing season is ostensibly about saying no to casual hookups and unlabeled situationships in favor of fast-tracking good old-fashioned monogamous relationships, as God and the inventors of Christian Girl Autumn (RIP) intended.

But while cuffing season may appear to embody a more intentional, goal-oriented approach to dating that seems to have become increasingly rare and increasingly coveted in an age of dating apps and toxic situationships, is it possible that cuffing season itself is kind of toxic in its own right?

According to a recent Vice article encouraging singles to embrace “leafing” instead of cuffing this fall, the answer is yes. Per Vice, leafing is “a more mindful approach to dating” that’s “all about slowing down, letting go, and allowing things to fall into place naturally.” The article positions it as “the antidote to toxic trends like ‘cuffing,’ which encourage us to rush in and lock down a partner just to meet society’s expectations.”

For relationship-oriented singles frustrated by a dating culture in which more options and looser labels have made it easier to avoid settling down and therefore harder to find someone willing to do so, dating with the explicit intention of getting into a relationship—à la cuffing season—seems like a sign of maturity. But experts caution that dating with the purpose of getting into a relationship solely for the sake of being in a relationship (read: not being alone) can be just as misguided an approach as any of the other toxicities relationship seekers may be trying to avoid by exiting the dating pool with a partner as quickly as possible.

So how do you know if you’re cuffing “for the right reasons” or just rushing to lock it down so you don’t have to be alone with your thoughts this winter (and/or the thoughts of your judgmental relatives at Thanksgiving)? Expert advice on how to have a nontoxic cuffing season below.

When Does Cuffing Season Become Toxic?

While the idea of cuddling up into cozy, coupled bliss ahead of the holidays may sound cute (and it certainly can be!) the entire concept of cuffing season has always carried some undertones of toxicity. For one thing, the name itself implies literally being handcuffed to a partner, which doesn’t exactly scream “healthy relationship between two loving people who have entered that relationship willingly and with enthusiasm.” You might even argue the notion of rushing to shackle yourself to a romantic partner and “lock it down” reflects dated, hetero-pessimistic attitudes that present long-term, monogamous relationships as a “trap” into which men are lured and held hostage by “ball and chain” wives.

Potentially problematic societal implications aside, the main thing that puts cuffing season at risk of trending into toxic territory is if the desire to cuff is coming from a fear of being alone.

“The cuffing season mentality can be toxic when it turns the search for connection into a reaction to discomfort rather than an expression of desire,” says relationship expert Carolina Pataky, PhD, founder of South Florida’s Love Discovery Institute. “It creates an emotional shortcut where the goal becomes ‘find someone now’ instead of ‘build something meaningful.’”

The pressure that comes with positioning a relationship as an end goal coupled with the urgency of the cuffing season timeline can create an environment that encourages daters to focus more on getting into a relationship for the sake of being in one than actually forging a meaningful connection with a partner. “You start to prioritize having someone over knowing someone,” says Pataky. “You silence your instincts, lower your standards, and call it chemistry when it’s really fear of being alone.” Meanwhile, “the emotional cost is high,” Pataky adds. “Because when attachment begins in anxiety, it rarely settles into security.”

Not to mention, while some people may go into a cuffing season ’ship with the hope that it will become a long-term relationship that extends beyond the colder months, the concept of cuffing season tends to imply an unspoken expiration date when that season comes to an end in the spring/summer. And if one cuffed partner sees this as a real-deal relationship while the other considers it more of a seasonal fling, things are bound to get messy.

Whether or not you think you’re in it for the long haul, the desire to cuff is often “a subconscious urge to avoid being emotionally or physically alone for the winter months,” says therapist Matthew Solit, executive clinical director at LifeStance Health. And, consciously or unconsciously, using someone for a short-term fling under the guise of a serious relationship “is toxic in that it is simply taking advantage of someone to quell your own fears,” says Solit.

Ultimately, “If you are not ready to be alone for a few months, you probably aren’t ready for a lasting relationship either,” says Solit. “The challenge is recognizing the pattern and working to understand that dating someone solely because it is better than feeling alone rarely ends well.”

How to Have a Nontoxic Cuffing Season

Given all of the above, you could argue the traditional concept of cuffing season is inherently toxic. But if you are looking for love this winter, that doesn’t have to mean falling into the stereotypical cuffing season mindset of blindly pursuing a relationship purely for the sake of not being alone.

“Cuffing season can be valuable when approached with awareness,” says Pataky. “It highlights a simple human truth: We are wired for closeness.” According to Pataky, wanting that closeness itself isn’t toxic. Rather, the toxicity seeps into cuffing season when the act of seeking that closeness starts from a place of fear and is executed on a deadline.

But if you can ditch the anxiety and timelines, Pataky says cuffing season can actually be a great time to make mindful moves toward prioritizing your love life.

“The colder months bring stillness, reflection, and a slower rhythm. That quiet can create ideal conditions for authentic connection—if you approach it with emotional presence instead of pressure,” she explains. “When cuffing season is used as a time to practice mindful connection—listening fully, being honest about needs, and pacing intimacy with awareness—it becomes a growth period.”

Being a mindful dater starts with focusing on yourself rather than your relationship status. “An important part of what creates a healthy relationship is seeking a partner who makes you feel like your best self, not as an alternative to loneliness or boredom,” adds Solit. “Healthy dating habits are healthy year-round. Dating mindfully is about good communication, mutual feelings, curiosity, and letting things fall into place naturally.”

Essentially, engaging with cuffing season in a healthy way means making choices in your love life that are “guided by clarity, not fear,” says Pataky. Most importantly, remember that “love doesn’t respond to deadlines,” she adds. “The healthiest relationships form through presence, patience, and mutual curiosity. When you release the need to secure something quickly, you make space for something real to emerge.”