The problem with bringing main character energy into relationships

When the four-part web series Adolescence was released on Netflix in 2025, it not only drew strong viewership but also sparked wider conversations about how young people, especially boys, deal with anger, vulnerability, and the pressures of online culture. It offered a useful lens for parents trying to understand their children and build stronger relationships.

But beyond its exploration of adolescence, the series also taps into a broader question about relationships today: what happens when we become so focused on our own experiences that we lose sight of other people's?

Meaningful relationships are not built by reacting or trying to fix things quickly. They grow when there is space to listen, understand, and engage without judgment.

"Healthy relationships are built through emotional presence, not quick fixes," says Dr Devanshi Desai, counselling psychologist and couples therapist. "When people feel heard and understood, it creates the foundation for deeper connection."

The rise of hyper-individualism

Research also shows that open communication plays a central role in healthy relationships, particularly in marriages and family life, where it helps reduce conflict and build stronger emotional understanding.

At the same time, we are living in a period where many people have become increasingly focused on themselves, particularly in fast-paced, individualistic societies. While hyper-individualism is not new, it feels more pronounced today, partly due to the influence of social media.

The trend is often described as "main character energy", wherein people act like the central figure in their own story. While the term is often used playfully, it reflects a broader cultural shift towards prioritising personal experiences, goals and self-expression. Taken too far, however, it can make it harder to stay attuned to the needs and perspectives of others.

Much of this stems from a constant focus on who we are and how we are perceived—our personality, choices, appearance, work, and social standing. This inward focus is not always driven by confidence; it is often linked to self-doubt, comparison, and a quiet sense of not feeling like enough.

From 'my experience' to 'our experience'

"Social media has amplified the tendency to focus on the self," says Dr Desai. "But relationships require us to remain aware of the emotional world of the people around us as well."

In relationships, this can create a disconnect. When both people are caught up in their own inner narratives, it becomes harder to truly listen, respond, and share emotional responsibility. A healthy relationship cannot rely on individual viewpoints alone. It requires a shift—from focusing only on 'my experience' to understanding 'our experience'. That is where real connection begins.

While Adolescence points to the challenges young people face today, similar themes were explored earlier in A Separation by Iranian filmmaker Asghar Farhadi. Beyond its social context, the film raises important questions about responsibility and the ways people interpret and present the truth, often through the lens of their own circumstances.

What it also shows is how easily confidence can slip into pride. When that happens, people stop listening. The focus shifts from understanding one another to proving a point. This is where communication begins to break down. As conversations narrow, assumptions take over, and the space for honest dialogue slowly disappears.

Research consistently shows that strong partnerships are built on mutual care, shared effort, and emotional exchange. When personal focus starts to outweigh relational awareness and oblivious 'main character energy' takes over, it becomes harder to collaborate, compromise, and maintain meaningful connections.

Why shared emotional responsibility matters

Shared emotional responsibility matters because the way one person reacts, withdraws or communicates can either increase tension or help repair it. In any close relationship, emotions do not exist in isolation; they shape the space between two people. This means both partners need to take responsibility not only for what they feel, but also for how their behaviour affects the relationship.

"Relationships function as emotional systems," says Dr Desai. "The way one person responds can either create safety and understanding or add distance and conflict."

Shared emotional responsibility is not only about recognising how our actions affect a relationship. It is also about understanding how partners influence each other's emotional experiences in everyday interactions. This is where the idea of co-regulation becomes particularly important.

Whether we choose accountability or blame often determines whether a relationship thrives or unravels. When blame takes over, it shifts the focus away from understanding and growth. Taking ownership, on the other hand, helps build resilience and supports more stable, balanced connections.

The role of co-regulation in relationships

Emotional interdependence, where both partners remain aware of and responsive to each other's feelings, helps them navigate both calm and difficult moments. It also improves the way conflicts are handled, as both people feel understood. When couples learn to regulate emotions together rather than separately, the relationship becomes more balanced and better equipped to handle challenges over time.

"Co-regulation is one of the strongest predictors of emotional intimacy," says Dr Desai. "Feeling supported and emotionally understood helps partners navigate challenges more effectively."

Growing individually, growing together

Now, it is equally important for individual growth and relational growth to happen side by side. Healthy relationships allow partners to evolve as individuals while also nurturing the relationship as a shared space.

Personal development, such as building self-awareness, managing emotions, and working towards meaningful goals, helps people engage with greater clarity and stability. At the same time, relationships require shared effort, including offering support, developing understanding, and working through challenges together.

When both are given equal importance, relationships tend to feel more balanced. Love, then, is not only about being understood but also about making the effort to understand and acknowledge another person's feelings.

To sum up, in any relationship—whether within a family, a partnership or a caregiving dynamic—what truly matters is shared emotional and mental presence. It is about paying attention, listening, and responding with care.

Choosing to stay engaged with one another is what keeps relationships steady, especially at a time when so many people are becoming increasingly self-focused.

As Adolescence highlighted through its exploration of modern relationships and emotional disconnect, meaningful connection requires more than simply being present. It requires curiosity, accountability, and a willingness to understand someone else's reality alongside our own.

"Lasting relationships are built when people move beyond individual narratives and invest in a shared emotional reality," says Dr Devanshi Desai. "Connection grows when both people feel seen, heard, and valued."

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