He looks stressed, so you reach up and touch his face because you want him to connect with you. He's so close. He just needs to focus, he says. It will be over soon. For him anyway.
Watch True Blood or Game of Thrones and try to finish in the same amount of time it takes the characters.
He pushes off with his knees and flexes his feet when he's close for an even more powerful orgasm.
You engage your core and lie perfectly still. This is what you did all those crunches for!
Because he caught you reading Fifty Shades of Grey and this is as close as it's going to get.
He is hungover and pukes in a bucket. Keeps going.
Drink a lot of booze first.
Stick your arms and legs straight up and hold them there.
Stick a pillow or a folded-up blanket under your butt, and pretend you've just done something really wild and out of the box.
You let him know he's doing a good job by gently kissing his forehead. He gets confused, but keeps going.
You say you've got a cramp and he asks if you are OK, but doesn't stop.
Maybe a little back door action? Whoa! Maybe not.
You bought a sex toy. That's enough. One step at a time.
He holds you. You hold him. It's nice.
The neck is an erogenous zone. He talked to someone who read that somewhere once.
Full stop. This is super important. It's work. He'll be back in a sec.
He barely notices. Doesn't stop.
Document your love-making with a phone pic. Crop in close and share it on Instagram with a winking-face emoticon as the only caption.
He wears his baseball cap while you lie there.
He gets excited so you wrap your legs around him for what turns out to be the last 15 seconds.
You lift your knees to make it easier on him.
Spice things up. Put on flippers. See if he notices.
You've both got your shoes on, so it's OK, but you try to keep your feet off the bed all the same.
You lie there wondering how you missed the shoe-removal window and he didn't.
He leaves his shoes on and you spend the whole time thinking about how much you wish he had taken them off. This is a brand new bed spread, goddamn it!
It's not as sexy. but at least your hair isn't stuck in your lip balm.
Because you enjoyed it so much when it was an accident.
He loses his balance and puts his hand on your hair to stop from head-butting you. You scream anyway and wonder if head-butting wouldn't have been preferable.
You run your hands through his hair and wonder, Why does he need all this product when his hair is literally half an inch long?
Pretend you are meeting for the first time. Say hello. Shake hands. Pretend nothing is going on downstairs.
No eye contact. No hand-holding. Just gettin' it done. 30 seconds max.
Holding hands and eye contact. At. The. Same. Time.
Halfway through, he falls asleep. You try to push him off you, but he's too heavy. You give up and wait for him to roll over on his own. You wonder if that crack in the ceiling was always there or if it's something to be concerned about.
You both say you're sorry and hug each other.
Accuse him of not being committed to the relationship and then bring up those dirty dishes still in the sink from yesterday.
Spice things up with ~*SpIrIt FiNgErS*~.
Turn off light. Commence with awkward fondling.
Because you haven't made the bed in days.
Because you just put clean sheets on the bed.
If the blanket were a person, this would totally be a three-way.
Assume matching Sears Portrait Studio poses. Smile!
Because his feet get cold.
Now the other breast, so it doesn't get jealous.
Have your guy transfer his weight to one hand while he gently cups your breast with his other hand. Nice.
You both keep your tops on because neither of you really feels like being shirtless right now.
Put your legs together while he starfishes on top of you.
Lie on your back with your arms and legs spread out like, well, a starfish.
Your stomachs make awkward, sweaty, farting noises as they rub together.
He straightens his arms for more powerful thrusting.
