In Light Of The Ocean's 8 Trailer I Would Like To Plan A Lady Heist

The trailer for Ocean's 8 has just about everything a person needs to get hype about a movie. It showcases a cast bursting with criminal charm, simply framed shots of Sandra Bullock eating waffles, gemstones galore, and Rihanna, and while all of these things are delightful unto themselves, the fact that it's all rolled into a heist film fills me with a very specific joy. I am joyful because Ocean's 8 seems primed to give me, a treasure-happy, crime-loving woman, exactly what I've always wanted to see: women stealing diamonds.

There is a too-small history of women stealing diamonds in cinema. In the original Ocean trilogy there were women who played small roles in the big-time heists Danny Ocean and his boy squad pulled off, but the bulk of high-profile crime in the Ocean movies is performed by men. This is a tradition for movies where high-class, intelligent criminals pull off a cool job. The men plot, rob, and reap the rewards while the woman either gently participate or outright disapprove of their activities. When women are involved in the planning, as in How to Steal a Million and A Fish Called Wanda, they're partnered with men who have more experience or used as sexy bait to lure lawyers or moguls away from the scent of the crime. Few films allow women to shine as criminal masterminds — The Bling Ring were a group of dolts, and while 1996's Set it Off featured an all-female group of robbers, they were bank robbers, which I hold are not as cool as jewel thieves and never will be. No, nothing but lady gem criminals will do for me this time. I absolutely demand it.

Why is it important that women steal diamonds? Aside from my own personal fantasy of leaving my civilian life behind to become an international jewel thief under a French pseudonym, I think that women planning a gem heist subverts the heavily gendered ideals our society holds when it comes to the acquisition of jewelry. The most salient cultural moment connecting women and diamonds is of course Marilyn Monroe's performance of "Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend" in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, in which Monroe coos about the solid economics of extorting diamonds from wealthy gentleman callers. While it is far from me to undermine such a time-honored hustle, I've always felt a disconnect with the idea that diamonds are something men give women in exchange for women being appealing and available. Even now in the current holiday season, I'm hard pressed to see a commercial for diamonds that isn't about buying them for a woman who has somehow earned them for being a special presence in a man's life. I don't want to earn a shiny rock with good behavior. It seems much more fun to just take the rock and continue engaging in poor behavior. That's the spirit of a good heist movie and what I'm most looking forward to seeing in Ocean's 8.

It's high time that the fictional celebrity jewel industry faces its most formidable enemy: women with a taste for shiny objects and no time for men. With actors like Sandra Bullock, Mindy Kaling, Cate Blanchett, Rihanna, and Helena Bonham Carter starring, Ocean's 8 is primed to becoming a defining moment for women-led heist movies and I couldn't be happier about it — and I only have to wait until June 2018 to finally see women take the rocks, behave poorly, and profit. For now I'll be drinking a martini and thinking about diamonds, a criminal girl's best friend.

[youtube align='center' autoplay='0']https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFWF9dU5Zc0&t=29s" frameborder="0" allow="autoplay; encrypted-media" allowfullscreen="">