Here's Which Plant Child You Should Adopt

If you've got your eyes out for a quick bloomer, the snake plant awaits you and if you have a bag full to TLC to offer, the Bird-of-paradise is here as well! #getready to #getgreen

Your ride’s here. Where are you?
  a. In the shower.
  b. Changing (again), with one eye on my phone.
  c. Ready to go. I, literally, just got the notification.
  d. WhatsApping my squad to meet me out front while sweet-talking the driver.

You’re most likely to spend your Paid Time Off  from work on...
  a. Nothing RN, because of coronavirus. But I’m going to use it for my big 2021 (hopefully!) European getaway, since it rolls over each year—wait, what 
do you mean it doesn’t 
roll over?!
  b. Sporadic mental health days. 
  c. Just one long weekend with the gals would have been ideal. I 
like my job and can’t wait 
to get back!
  d. A pre-planned multi­country tour through Asia as soon as the pandemic is out of the way.

How much sunlight do you get in your place?
  a. Um...none.
  b. I have windows, so?
  c. More than enough, per Google.
  d. Exposure in the south and east corners.

Your friend asks you to dog-sit for the weekend. How do you prepare?
  a. I don’t. She’s dropping off the dog, 
I think!
  b. There’s no chocolate or nails lying around, so I think I’m Gucci.
  c. I stocked up on wee-wee pads even though he’s, allegedly, potty-trained.
  d. I ordered dog-
proofing accessories and vegan chew toys even before she finalised her travel plans.

Real quick: where’s your phone right now?
  a. IDK or I’d be on it.
  b. If I grope around 
a three-foot radius, it will 
probably turn up.
  c.  On the table.
  d.  Tucked neatly into my tote’s designated phone pocket. (I paid extra for the organiser.)

 

Mostly As

You’re not a cactus person. Those require dirt and light, and, therefore, are too hard. Spend enough time researching realistic-looking fakes. And it counts because so much thought went into it.

 

Mostly Bs 
Snake plant
Bare minimum, come through! The snake plant is foolproof, helps with air quality (allegedly, but mostly it’s cute), and can grow impressively tall quickly. You’ll appreciate the instant gratification. 

Mostly Cs 

Devil’s ivy
You’ve got it together...most of the time, so you can handle a liiittle more than a set-it-and-forget-it potted thing. And if sh*t comes up (as it always does for you), this guy will stay green—even in darker conditions. 

Mostly Ds 

Bird-of- paradise
A very needy plant for 
a dedicated and organized helicopter parent to anything that lives. This new project *might* mean you need to cancel your 15-year Neopets subscription, but TBH, you could probably handle both.