10 signs you've been delulu about your partner's red flags

Sometimes, delulu is not the solulu.

By Soumya Pawaskar
07 October, 2023
10 signs you've been delulu about your partner's red flags

Relationships, in the early stages, often feel like a beautiful dream—everything is colourful, bright, and full of happiness. And thus, often, people tend to look past their partner’s red flags as they continue to view the world through rose-tinted glasses. As they say, “Staying delulu is the solulu”, but is it really the case always?

Let’s delve deeper. Here are the 10 signs that you might have been ignoring in your relationship. By recognising these signs you can take a step back to re-evaluate your relationship with your partner and get a clearer perspective of where it is headed.

You are the one who often makes compromises in the relationship 

The idea of true love is often associated with sacrifices and compromises. But is it really necessary to always compromise in a relationship all the time? A relationship is essentially a partnership between two individuals who support each other’s growth and development. However, if one person consistently pursues their dreams and interests while the other places theirs in the back seat, the balance of the relationship is disturbed. A one-sided partnership is a sign you should not ignore.

You have grown accustomed to their inconsistent behaviour 

Does your partner alternate between showering you with exceptional love and care and giving you the silent treatment? While sometimes it may be their mood swings, but if the cycle continues, it’s time to understand that it’s a clear red flag. This behavioural pattern may indicate uncertainty about the relationship or even about their feelings. It’s necessary to have a healthy conversation and address the matter at hand, and if it continues, don’t hesitate to let them go. 

You feel that they make decisions on your behalf all the time

Controlling behaviour is the most common red flag of all. When your partner constantly tries to control your choices and actions, it can be a sign of distrust. If your partner tells you what to do, what to wear, and keeps you away from your family and friends, it’s a warning sign you should not ignore. This type of behaviour usually stems from insecurity and jealousy and should not be encouraged. 

You constantly hope for a change in their behaviour 

Nobody is perfect and there’s room for personal growth in every individual. In relationships, especially, it is natural to have certain aspects of your partner’s personality that you’d like to see evolve for the better. However, there’s a difference between being hopeful and keeping false hopes. While it’s completely fine to be hopeful for their personal growth, ignoring the current shortcomings will lead to disappointments. It’s important for you to introspect and determine whether you are in love with the idea of their ‘potential self’ or you are genuinely ready to accept them as they are.

You justify their actions to yourself and others

It can be incredibly draining when you constantly find yourself needing to justify your partner’s actions to others, and more importantly, to yourself. While the occasional defense of your partner is normal, if it becomes a recurring pattern, it can signal an issue. When you consistently find meaning behind their words or actions, in an effort to maintain a positive image of them, it can eventually take a toll on your mental well-being. It is essential to have open and clear communication regarding the concerns you have with your partner rather than defending their every move. 

Your relationship status with them remains uncertain 

When you are in a relationship, it is obvious that your partner is equally into you. However, if your partner keeps you second-guessing about their feelings towards you, it’s a straight up red flag and you should not ignore it at all. Emotional security is a fundamental aspect of any relationship and if it’s lacking, it’s time to reevaluate. 

You often hold yourself back from expressing your opinions to them

Everyone wants to be in a relationship where they can freely talk about anything with their partners without the fear of being judged. But if you often hesitate to convey your feelings or express your opinions freely to your partner because you are concerned about how they might react, it’s a little alarming. Understanding your partner’s trigger points and being considerate is good but a healthy relationship should not require constant guesswork about their potential reactions.

You always find yourself apologising even when they are in the wrong
If your partner never takes accountability for their mistakes and worse, makes you feel guilty about it, the relationship is likely to be shaky, veering towards toxicity. While there should be room to make mistakes, learn from them and grow, it’s worrisome if one party does not take the onus of their actions, leave alone apologising. Also, if they start with an apology but end it with a justification, it’s not a genuine apology. It may sound something like: “I’m sorry but I didn’t think it would hurt you.” This can lead to a lack of trust between the two of you and can be problematic in the long run if not addressed properly.

You have changed yourself completely for them

Maintaining a healthy balance in a relationship is very important. It is natural that you slowly adopt some of your partner’s personality traits and make lifestyle adjustments together, but when you leave behind your true self and try to become more like them, it’s a red flag all the way. If your partner insists on making changes in your appearance or personality, to match their preferences and it feels exhausting rather than fulfilling, it’s time to re-assess your relationship. That said, constructive suggestions should be welcome and appreciated but trying to merge into your partner’s identity solely for their happiness is a big no.

You frequently hear them talking about their ex

If your partner often mentions their ex during conversations and usually doesn’t have anything nice to say about them, it could be an indication that they haven’t fully moved on from their previous relationship. This is especially common when you are with someone who has recently gotten out of a significant, long-term relationship. In such cases, chances are, you might be a rebound for them. It’s generally considered an unspoken rule not to dwell on ex-partners when starting a new relationship. So, watch out for the signs if you suspect you’re just a ‘temporary placeholder’ in their lives.