Steamy relationship check-in questions for a better sex life

For a firmer and tighter grasp on intimacy…(pun intended). 

04 July, 2023
Steamy relationship check-in questions for a better sex life

A relationship brings with it a gamut of tussles with emotions, insecurities, and more. What matters is how you and boo choose to navigate them, one conversation at a time. Physical intimacy, however, is a topic often brushed under the carpet and thus, can be uncomfortable to indulge in. But it is important to remember that physical intimacy is as important as emotional intimacy and having regular conversations about it can help strengthen it for a long-lasting relationship. 

If you’re unsure about how to bring it up, we’ve got you covered. Here’s a list of relationship check-in questions (steamy edition) that might help you navigate concerns about physical intimacy, sex, wants, needs, and everything in between. 

How has our sex life been so far, according to you? 

This is perhaps one of the most important questions you can ask your beau; not only will it help the two of you understand your physical experiences so far, but also what could be better. You could share what made you feel comfortable and what you did not particularly enjoy. This will enable a safe and nurturing environment to strengthen the physical intimacy you share with your partner. 

Do you have any fears or concerns when it comes to sex? 

Sex is one of the most heightened and intense forms of intimacy you can share with your loved one, but sometimes it can get overwhelming and scary, more so, if you or your partner has had a traumatic or anxiety-inducing sexual experience in the past. Thus, it is important to ask this question to acknowledge and understand these fears and arrive at certain boundaries together. 

Would you like to have a safe word?

One of the ways of drawing boundaries within a physical relationship is to mutually decide on a safe word—something that might come in handy while you’re turning up the heat but want to stop or feel that it is getting too much and crossing your personal boundaries. It is important you both respect the safe word and practice it until you and your partner have overcome your fears or concerns. 

How would you describe your sexual desires? 

It may be unnerving at first, but by regularly indulging in these conversations, it will become easier for you and boo to express your sexual desires and preferences, which will not only keep the romance alive but will also create a safe space. You can also share your fetishes and fantasies without the fear of being judged. The conversation may also be your cue to amp up your sex life and take it up a notch (or two) by trying new things. 

What are your biggest turn-ons? 

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you probably know the answer to this question. But, there’s no downside to discussing this—it may be just another chance to try new things, go back to older moves, and understand what works best for the both of you.

What would you want to try? 



Whether it’s experimenting with sex toys, watching porn together or a new position that either of you might want to try, let this be a safe space for your partner to express their wildest desires and fantasies and vice versa. This does not necessarily mean that you have to get down and dirty and indulge in every fantasy, but having a conversation about it is definitely a step further than not speaking about it at all. 

What are your thoughts on sexting and sending nudes? 

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, there’s little you can do to get physically intimate other than sexting and sending nudes. So, it might be best to understand your partner’s stance on the subject and discuss any inhibitions, fears, or concerns that either of you may have. If you or your partner is not ready for something immediately, you can take it slow by talking about it and sending only texts. Send pictures only if you are completely comfortable with it. 

How important is sex to you in the relationship? 



Different people have different love languages. For some, physical intimacy might be last on the list while for others it may be one of the more important aspects of a relationship. So, it might be best to understand how important physical intimacy is for the both of you and arrive at a middle ground if it tends to differ.