What does your handshake say about you?

Time is short in today’s day and age and it’s important to make the most of it by setting the right first impression. Taking into account what you do happens much before what you say, doing a proper handshake before the conversation even begins matters more than you think it does. Whether you say hi or bye, how and what you do when you shake hands with someone says a lot about your personality. We live in a world where body language matters more than language. 

We’ve come a long way from the times when handshakes used to be a gesture between kings at the end of a war as a sign of peace. Today, it is more like a greeting or parting gesture all around the world. A gesture that takes nothing more than a few seconds has the ability to set the tone and perception of our abilities and instil trustworthiness.

Furthermore, it increases warmth, confidence, and the level of preparedness. Ask many people around you and they would say it is one of the most important forms of non-verbal communication. After all, the action does speak louder than words. 

The elements of a good handshake

As mentioned earlier, with a handshake setting the first impression, the touch and feel of it say it all and convey the kind of person you are. A good handshake consists of three elements—eye contact, grip, and facial expressions. These are the basic etiquettes. Add to that, you must always stand up and shake hands and look at them when you do so. It goes without saying that you should exuberate warmth and smile when you do it. What you don’t do is have the other hand in your pocket. 

If you're worried about sweaty or clamming hands, the easiest thing to do is wipe your palms before you shake hands. And if your hands are cold, just rub them together. 

So, what does one believe about the different types of handshakes?

Most people are under the impression that a strong handshake indicates you have a strong personality. Contrary to popular belief, it exhibits arrogance and dominance. On the other hand, a weak handshake is an indicator of the person being unsure, shy. The correct way is a dignified and firm handshake that is warm, builds trust, and signals our internal strength of character. Duration is another important topic as well as the completion of grip.

This brings us to what a dominant handshake is. What happens here is one person placing their hand downwards—a sign of aggressive communication with the other person having to place their palm upwards—a submissive position.

Ever met someone whose handshake makes you feel like they’re crushing your bones? Well, that’s exactly what this type of handshake is called—bone crusher. It’s not only aggressive but immensely uncomfortable for the receiver. 

If you’ve got the bone crusher, on the other side of the pressure scale lies a handshake called the limp fish. One that clearly shows how nervous, unsure you are. Or it could be that there is little to no involvement that you’ve had with the other person. Having said that, completely avoid doing this at the workplace or in a formal setting.

Then, there are people who give a handshake with both their hands. With there being a time and place for everything, it is recommended that one does this with a person that they know closely. Do not do it with a person you don’t know or have just met. And while some use both their hands, some only offer their fingers. In case you do this or know someone that does, just ensure that the webbed part of your hand between your pointer finger and thumb is touching the other person's hand before the grip tightens.

How long should one shake hands? 

One must follow a two-second rule. When it gets prolonged, it gives the signal of the person being clingy. Don’t go beyond two seconds. As far as the distance is concerned, there should be a proper arms distance so that the hands can be shaken easily. Anything closer indicates something else. 

What should one make of a handshake? What is the takeaway?

It shows how confident you are about your abilities and how trustworthy and prepared you are. It creates a kind of connection and trust. The handshake is an indicator of that. You exhibit energy and enthusiasm when you shake hands confidently. 

Communication is key, so let the person know if you aren’t comfortable with a handshake. At the same time, not maintaining eye contact at all and having a long handshake are areas that can be improved on. If you’re interested in making a good first impression, you should practice doing so. 

Inputs by Archana Singhal, a certified and well-trained Counsellor and Family Therapist.