What you should do if your partner is only giving you the bare minimum in your relationship

Stop settling for crumbs.

By Anubha Singh
30 August, 2023
What you should do if your partner is only giving you the bare minimum in your relationship

Remember those late-night conversations with friends, where you'd excitedly spill the beans about your partner's endless patience, their ever-present calmness, and those sweet good morning texts that lit up your day? I've been there too, sharing these moments with my girlfriends, only to have them raise an eyebrow and suggest it might all be just the “bare minimum”.

To start, I've often opted to keep my expectations on the lower side. When past relationships haven't exactly been glowing examples of genuine effort, even the tiniest gestures have held immense significance for me.

As I look back, it's almost like someone turned on a light bulb. Those moments I thought were so incredibly grand might have actually been a little less sparkly than I perceived. It's like discovering that the flawless scenes from your favorite movie have a few hidden bloopers. It really makes you question what's genuine and what's just playing a part. 

And we've all walked down that road, right? From those heartwarming moments of admiration to the eye-opening reality checks that bring new perspectives, it's a journey we've all taken. So, the big question is, what's the right way forward if your partner seems content with providing only the bare minimum?

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Lead by example

Show your partner the kind of effort and attention you expect in the relationship. By demonstrating your commitment and willingness to invest time and energy, you encourage your partner to reciprocate.

Reflect on expectations

Take time to reflect on your expectations for the relationship. Are they realistic and reasonable? It's important to distinguish between genuine concerns and personal preferences. Consider whether your partner's actions align with your shared understanding of the relationship.

Communicate honestly

The foundation of any relationship is honest communication. Express your feelings, concerns, and needs, making sure to use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. Encourage them to share their perspective on the same as well. This will help both partners understand each other better and find common ground.

Set boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Clearly define what you consider acceptable behavior and what crosses the line. Communicate these boundaries to your partner and explain why they are important to you. This can help prevent misunderstandings and provide a framework for respectful behaviour.

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Offer constructive feedback

If your partner is open to feedback, provide specific examples of situations where you felt their efforts were lacking. Be constructive rather than critical, highlighting the impact their actions have on your feelings and the relationship as a whole.

Today, accepting just the bare minimum isn't good enough, and there's absolutely no need to shy away from having high expectations either. As women, it's crucial for us to understand our value. Choosing more than the bare minimum doesn't mean we're asking for the moon. It means we're demanding real care, respect, and effort. By setting an example, we're not only telling others what we want but showing them what we're ready to give in return. This creates relationships that are strong and healthy and we deserve nothing less than that.