Why ‘fake it till you make it’ is keeping you stuck—and what to do instead

We’ve all heard it. We’ve all tried it. At some point, we’ve probably even sworn by it like it’s the holy grail of hustle culture. “Fake it till you make it”—the unofficial anthem of anyone trying to get their life together. It’s been passed down like a sacred scroll, right alongside “dress for the job you want” and the ever-trusty “confidence is key.”

And if you know mother RiRi (aka Rihanna), you remember the collective trance we all entered after that iconic interview. She casually mic-dropped the word pretend when asked what she does on days she doesn’t feel confident, fearless, or powerful. And suddenly, it all clicked.

Next thing you know, you’re squaring up in front of the mirror, channelling boss energy, talking yourself into greatness—even though five minutes ago, you were panic-scrolling through your inbox wondering if you were about to get fired for missing that one “urgent” email.

But once the adrenaline wore off and the high of pretending faded, you had to ask yourself—did you actually step into your power, or just put on a really convincing show? Sure, you looked the part. But did you feel it? Were you building real confidence—or just borrowing it for the day like a blazer that doesn’t quite fit?

The problem with pretence

There’s a fine line between stepping into your potential and losing yourself in a persona stitched together by pretence, false identity, delusion, and yes, some good ol’ self-loathing. If you find yourself stuck in a loop of performing instead of becoming, it’s time to switch gears.

As writer and filmmaker Priyanshu puts it, “Today, when online personas are as big as real-life ones, ‘fake it till you make it’ might be doing more harm than good.” Because when your energy goes into curating an identity instead of building real skills, the glow-up becomes a performance, and that curtain gets heavy to hold up. Let’s peel back the layers, skip the highlight reel, and do some ugly revealing.

Come home to yourself

Before you try to understand the world or your place in it, you need to do the hard, yet beautiful work of understanding yourself. Before you can “make it,” you’ve got to figure out what that even means to you. And that starts with self-awareness. Not the kind you get from personality quizzes or journaling with a latte aesthetic, but the real, uncomfortable, look-yourself-in-the-mirror kind. You can’t manifest your way out of misalignment. You can’t Oscar-speech your way into purpose if you don’t even know what you want.

Content creator Srishti Garg said something that’ll hit home for a lot of us: “It made me feel like who I am right now isn’t enough.” She shared that constantly pretending to be in her glow-up era led to impostor syndrome. The pressure to be constantly evolving, glowing up, levelling up—whatever the internet’s calling it this week—can chip away at your ability to just be. To be present. To be okay with the in-between.

So stop. Breathe. Ask yourself the uncomfortable questions. What have you been avoiding in your late-night monologues? What truths are you scared to admit, even to yourself? That’s your truth. And facing it? That’s where healing—and actual growth—begins.

Clap for yourself—even if you’re the only one clapping

Because constantly chasing validation isn’t just exhausting—it’s limiting. Your growth shouldn’t depend on someone else’s applause.

Photographer and filmmaker Prakriti Panda calls out the real culprit: “The thief of joy is comparison.” She admits that in trying to inhabit a colleague’s “professional skin,” she forgot how to enjoy the aspects of her work she once genuinely loved—it felt like trying to complete her own intricate puzzle with a piece that simply didn’t belong. That constant mimicry drained the thrill from her craft and left her creativity gasping for air. Because when you chase someone else’s shadow, your light dims.

So this is your reminder: clap for yourself. Loudly. Shamelessly. Whether it’s surviving your first solo grocery run in a new city, owning your space at work, or simply learning something new about yourself, it's worth celebrating. Especially when no one else notices. Because your growth is real. And it deserves to be seen—even if only by you.

Get curious, not perfect

Curiosity didn’t kill the cat—it just made her smarter. (Unless she followed a guy into a shady white van. Don’t be that curious.)

But seriously—don’t silence your questions just to seem like you’ve got it all figured out. You don’t need to pretend to know the latest pop culture references or nod along to conversations you’re completely lost in. Let curiosity replace performance. Ask the “dumb” questions. Google things twice. Admit you don’t know—and be excited to learn.

Let your excitement lead the way. Don’t shrink yourself just to fit in. Show up as you are. Fall into rabbit holes. Growth isn’t linear, and it sure as hell isn’t polished.

Faking it can get you through a moment. But living in that façade long-term? That just keeps you stuck. Real growth, real glow-ups, real confidence—they come from authenticity, from self-awareness, from the beautifully awkward process of figuring things out.

So the next time you feel the urge to slip into someone else’s skin because your own doesn’t feel good enough, pause. Come back to yourself. Celebrate the quiet wins. Ask the messy questions. And know this: you don’t have to fake it when you’re actually making it, one real step at a time.

You’re not here to perform. You’re here to become.

Lead image credit: Getty Images 

Also read: Girls just wanna have fun(ds)... and style, and love

Also read: What role do self-worth and resistance play in the manifestation process?