THE 10 Biggest Relationship Chats...and How to Have Them

1. The ‘So, what are we?’ talk
WHEN: You’ve been seeing each other for a while and you want to know where you stand. “Make a simple statement about where your headspace is at,” says US-based sex
and relationships expert Nikki Goldstein. “For example, ‘I just want you to know I’m not seeing anyone else and I’m really enjoying the time I’m spending with you!’” His reaction
will tell you where things are headed.

2. The other sex chat
WHEN: In the early days of doing the deed with your new beau. “It’s better to talk about the stuff you’d do in the bedroom sooner rather than later ,so you can make your sex life next level instead of maybe finishing unsatisfied,” Goldstein advises. Bring it up when you’re both relaxed and make sure both of you get to share your desires.

3. The deal-breaker discussion
WHEN: The first few months.
When Deven, 28, who can’t stand pot, found out when he first started dating Simran, 23, that she likes getting stoned over the weekend, he knew he couldn’t be with her in the long run and he brought it up. “He explained how he felt and didn’t get angry or give me an ultimatum, so I didn’t get defensive,” she explains. Simran agreed to stop and the couple is now moving in together.

4. The big two talk: marriage and kids
When: Before your one-year anniversary. Being on the same page about marriage and kids is essential. Don’t grill him on the first date, although it’s okay if it organically comes up early on. That’s how it went for Neena and Amir, both 30, who’ve been married for two years. “We discussed marriage and babies ridiculously early,” Neena recalls. You might not know what you want yet, but being able to discuss it signals a healthy relationship.

5. The cash convo
WHEN: Before you move in or travel together. Money is the most common issue couples fight about. The first time your finances are likely to overlap is if you’re moving in
together or planning a big trip. Bank balances can be a really sensitive issue, so rather than asking how much he earns or if he’s in debt, speak in terms of your shared budget, Goldstein advises. How much do you need for rent and bills, or food and flights, and can you afford it? Red flag: if he can never pay for his share of the bill or borrows money.

6. Post-bender talk
WHEN: His hangover has worn off. Sure, he’s the life of the party, but you find his drinking a turn-off. Bring it up when you’re sober, says psychologist Gemma Cribb of equilibriumpsychology.com.au. “Speak about your concerns in a non-blaming way. Understand things from his perspective. If the habit still makes you uncomfortable, you need to end things,” says Cribb.

7. The conversion conversation
WHEN: The first few months. If your new love interest is religious, chances are he will bring it up before you do. But does he expect you to change your lifestyle to fit in with
this? “Ask him: ‘Is it important for you to be with someone of the same religion? Is it important for your family?’” Goldstein suggests. If he wants you to convert, are you willing
to do it? Goldstein says many people compromise, such as studying the religion but not converting.

8. The ‘life direction’ chat
WHEN: You feel things aren’t evolving how you want them to. Anirudh and Aashna, both 28, had been together for eight years and lived together. But Anirudh’s reluctance to
have a solid career began to frustrate Aashna, and she decided to end things. “It was really hard, because I wasn’t unhappy yet, but I knew things weren’t going to change,” she admits. Being brave enough to speak up pays off, explains Goldstein.

9. The pop quiz
WHEN: The first few dates.
In Gone Girl, detectives are shocked that Nick Dunne doesn’t know the best friend or blood type of his missing wife, Amy. Yes, it’s just fiction, but it helps to know a few fun
facts—his fave movie/ book/ band/TV show. Think of it as a fun way to get to know each other.

10. The celebrity hall pass
WHEN: On a fun night out.
Many couples joke about the celeb they’re allowed to hook up with—thinking it’ll never happen. Seema, 23, was therefore shocked to discover her boyfriend Asad, 26, didn’t want a hall pass—and insisted she shouldn’t either. “I actually thought it was really sweet he didn’t want to entertain the idea of either one of us sleeping with other people,” she says. “Although I’ve since then had to stop Insta-stalking Ranbir Kapoor...”