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What to Do When 'Lustalgia' Strikes You

Here's how missing sex with your ex can disrupt your life and what you can do about it.

If there is one thing we all know, it's that breakups are tough, no matter who you are and who you were with, getting over your ex can be a difficult task indeed. For one, you are so used to having them as a part of your life. Then, there is the emotional hurt and the pain of letting go. And to top it all, you have to deal with a ton of memories and thoughts about being physically close to them.

ex

It's sad when relationships do not work out. Not only do we need to mend our broken hearts and walk the tightrope of navigating public spaces that are frequented by our ex, we also have to deal with our own mind springing memories on us at the least expected time or places. This nostalgia of lust or 'lustalgia' as we like to call it, is more common then you think ,even when you are the one who left the relationship in the first place. 

We have all been there. You reason with yourself as to why things were not working out, dutifully make your pros and cons list, and spend hours dissecting all the facts with your BFF, when boom! Just when you are trying to block your ex out from your brain, you find yourself thinking about kissing, touching or even sleeping with them. And worst of all, the more you try not to think about it, the more the thoughts don't go away.

memories

The reason you can't stop thinking about sex with your ex is quite obvious. You were with them exactly because you were super attracted to them in the first place. There are memories of the amazing times your have spent together and the fabulous sex that you have had that has impacted you and your relationship with them. Just because you aren't able to be together intellectually, does not mean you are physically over it. Also, absence does make the heart grow fonder. We always tend to remember the good and forget about the bad, making us almost wonder why we left them in the first place.

broken heart

So what's the harm in indulging in some good ol' lustalgia, you might ask, especially when you are not dating anyone else RN? Well, dreaming about sex with your ex is not as innocent as it seems, and here are some reasons why.

1. It might lead to you actually acting on it: Just like the book title, it's called a break-up because it's broken.Thinking about sex with your ex might cause you to actually act on it, ignoring the reasons why things were not working out in the first place, and complicating both your lives again.

just sex

2. It prevents you from moving on: If you spend all your time thinking about your ex, you will find it difficult to open your heart and energy to new people, and even feel like no one else will ever be good enough for you. That's scary territory to be in, just FYI.

3. It will cloud your judgement: Like we discussed before, you might forget all the reasons why you broke up in the first place and start acting in a way that is hurtful to both of you in the long run. Trust us, there is no way of avoiding hurt in a breakup. It's best to just feel what you need to and move the f*** on.

4. You will end up feeling like s**t: Indulging in these memories is like any addiction, you will feel good for an instant but low after wards. Recognise that our mind is not always our friend. 

shit

Those of you reading this might feel that while it's fab that we have all this advice, it's not like you can control it when these thoughts spring up, right? Well, that might be true, but you can control how you deal with them. Here's what to do when a wave of good 'ol lustalgia strikes you, the next time around.

1. Distract yourself: Have a list of stuff to do to take your mind of the ex-sex. Read a book, watch a movie, meditate, or go out, just don't sit and obsess about it.

2. Have a list ready: Keep a written list to remind you of the reasons you guys broke up in the first place.

ex

3. Ask yourself if you would want to be with this person minus the sex: Most of the times, the answer to this will be no, giving you back your mental clarity about why you are not with them.

4.Start making new friends and dating other people: We all need our time to heal, but getting out of your comfort zone can help you find fun new people to fantasise about and forget about your ex. Just saying!

and lastly...

5. Cut all contact: Stop meeting, exchanging texts, and block them on social media if you just can't stop thinking about them, at least for a while. The less you see of someone, the less you will think about them, period.

social media

Our final take on this situation? Don't worry, memories of sex with the ex is something we all have to deal with. Just having this action plan ready will make you feel more empowered. It's important to be prepared for it to happen and be ready to deal with it.That way, it will not catch you off guard and you will get over it sooner then you think.