44 Reasons Women Are Actually Running Late For Their Tinder Date

It’s really hard to get to places at all, much less on time. I’m constantly patting myself on the back for even having enough energy to squeeze my bloated ass into some jeans in the name of lookin' fuay for a random Tinder date—sorry I'm not actively checking the time.

And look, no matter how late I am, at least I'm putting myself out there (read: “out there” as in, outside my house) to look presentable to my OkCupid match and the rest of society—even when that means I have to put on a bra.

"Yes, I’m so sorry I'm late to our first date at Chili's. Getting out the door became a bit of a challenge when I had already scheduled some R&R with my couch and the leftover pizza in my fridge, mmk?"

But besides the couch, and pizza, and Netflix, here’s probably why I—along with millions of other women—couldn’t be on time:

1. I’m blow-drying my hair but watching four episodes of Grey’s Anatomy *before* I do that.
2. I’m checking Instagram for the third time in 45 seconds.
3. The subway is delayed! And that's totally because I left 15 minutes later than I should have in the first place.

   

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4. I only use UberPool (because why miss an opportunity of a meet-cute while I'm on my way to meet someone else??)
5. I assume my date will be late.
6. The line at Starbucks is so long! Especially since I keep letting people go in front of me to avoid meeting my situationship's family and eat his Aunt Sally's cooking.
7. I'm too busy looking at this dude's ex's best friend's fashion Instagam page. She has 20,000 followers!
8. I need to go grocery shopping for the next six weeks. It's called #MealPrep.
9. There’s, like, too much “content” on the “internet.”
10. I’m reading the news to stay in the know! Did you hear about Kim's new haircut?
11. I have to file my nails...and my taxes.
12. Ugh, I woke up with a pimple. And a burning desire to avoid and delay all social engagements today.
13. My ex might be at the restaurant! So I have to check his location real quick.
14. I need to re-organise my bookshelf. I don’t own very many books, though, so I have to make a pit stop to the library first.
15. I’m just going to eat real quick. Well, for the sake of my gastroenterological health, I have to take very, very, very small bites and wait three minutes between each one. Should be about three hours, but you don’t want me to have acid reflux, do you?
16. I need to figure out what I’m doing with my hair...and my life.
17. My Wi-Fi is slow! You can’t expect me to move faster than the Wi-Fi, can you?
18. Did you know the ‘fi’ in ‘WiFi’ is short for ‘fidelity’? I got curious, so I looked it up. Aren’t you glad you know that now? In many ways, knowledge makes up for the fact that I’m running late.
19. I had to Google some other stuff too.
20. Did you know that Medjool dates aren’t dried, that’s just how they grow?
21. It would be inaccurate to say I didn’t plan well enough. I actually deliberately made my schedule today with the intention of coming two hours late. Please don’t accuse me of being disorganised.
22. Everyone knows the first three-quarters of a movie are always bad. So, here I am watching The Perfection.
23. You know my ex-boyfriend? No, not the one I just broke up with—Harry, my ex from middle school? I have to check in and see who he's been Venmo-ing, then spent 20 min trying to look up their social security number.
24. Sorry, but I’m just trying to prioritise me this week
25. I’m trying to prioritise me next week too, so sorry in advance if I’m late to your sister's wedding. I'll make sure to hold my peace.
26. I have to pick out an outfit. Is it okay if I send you some outfit pics 45 minutes into your party? And then once you give me feedback, I can hop on the train and be there in 30.
27. It’s that time of the month! The time when I check my bank balance and hold my head in my hands dramatically for 38 minutes while wondering if I’ll ever be able to buy a home in this economy.
28. I have $45 in savings, I might as well check real estate listings to see if there’s anything within my budget.
29. I’m always late; you should know this by now.
30. I’m always late; it’s not my fault.
31. I’m always late; it’s my aesthetic.
32. I’m always late; it throws people off if I come on time.
33. I have to meditate. I only do five minutes, but I have to tell 18 people I’m meditating first (or else literally what’s the point), and that can take a while.
34. I know I said I’d be there at 8, but I actually signed up for a Spinning class at 7:45, and I have no idea how long it’ll go. I mean, on the website it says it’s an hour long, but you know how these things are.
35. I need a fresh blowout—I just went Spinning, duh.
36. I’m tired.
37. I’m stressed.
38. I’m busy.
39. I’m me.
40. You’d be late too if you didn’t want to go to the event you were throwing.
41. I noticed a mole on my arm. Maybe it’s been there my whole life (my mom says yes), or maybe it’s skin cancer—I need to swing by the ER first.
42. I don’t want to spend a lot of time at the park where people look happy.
43. You decided to text me "hey" two hours before I was supposed to be there, so I just assumed you were cancelling and put my jammies back on.
44. Did you intentionally tell me this party started two hours before it did? Dang it, now I’m right on time, and you know I hate that.