Gone are the days when sex was an act of reproduction or pleasure. It’s broken free of its restrictive definition of ‘the penetration of a vagina by a penis’ and has evolved into something a lot more intense and complex. We’ve grown into mastering the art of connecting on a deeper level, where love and lust collide, making the bond between two souls much stronger. Confused? Fear not, we’ve got you covered.
You’re at a party, a glass of wine in hand, scanning the room. You spot your partner standing by the grand piano and your heart skips a beat. Your hands get cold and your knees feel weak. All you want to do is leave this damn party and head home to an intense session of lovemaking. The smell of sandalwood lingers in the air, smooth jazz plays softly in the background. Souls are calm and bodies relaxed. You embrace the energy of desire and passion. Your grip tightens, toes curl, lips touch and bodies collide. This intense feeling of love, passion, and affection isn’t just the stuff of romance novels. You and boo can experience this, too. Imagine being able to touch and speak to each other without uttering a single word.
HI, TANTRIC SEX!
So, how do you even begin to achieve this type of passion? Through a little something called tantric sex. Sexual intercourse is no longer an act of body-on-body pleasure or a pre-requisite to building a family. It’s much more than that. It’s the most intimate way two bodies and souls can become one, and tantric sex is no different. All it does is make you slow down and relax enough to feel a sense of intense awareness and control. It teaches you to be present in yourself, as well as with your partner in every possible way.
There’s nothing wrong with pursuing your ambitions and being the ace goal-getter you are. But often, a hectic lifestyle can become overwhelming. Slowing down, taking a breath, and appreciating that special person in your life is vital for a wholesome and passionate relationship. Plus, it’ll help keep exhaustion, frustration, and possible burnout at bay.
Have you ever looked at your SO and said, ‘We don’t talk much anymore’, or heard him say, ‘It’s like you’re always miles away’? You’re not alone. The agonisingly slow, almost unnoticed distance created between the two of you by a whirlwind of duties can be terrifying. No matter how much you love or are committed to someone, if physically and emotionally disconnected, your relationship is at risk.
So whether you have been together for six months or six years, never lose sight of the connection. Keep igniting that spark to ensure the intimate energy, that connects you as you are, grows with time. You need to bring down the walls and expand your horizons. Share your vulnerabilities. Let your biggest fears and your biggest insecurities ground you to Earth as one. Tantric sex can help you achieve this. You might not see the results overnight, but in the long run, your efforts will pay off.
This is just a guide. Feel free to improvise and experiment. At the end of the day, there are no rules when you’re under the sheets.
Block out about three to four hours, and make sure any, and all kinds of distractions—work, kids, or family—are completely taken care of. You will need this time for the two of you.
Create a romantic, calm, and relaxing atmosphere. Dim the lights, or switch them off and use candles (bonus points if they’re scented!). Prep a playlist with slow instrumental music and play in the background. You will need: massage oils, towels, pillows, a few snacks and something to drink.
Step into the bath together. Let the warm water caress your skin and calm your body. Look into your partner’s eyes, watch the way his body moves and the way water flows through his hair. Encourage him to do the same to you. Outline his body with your fingertips, but keep in mind not to engage in sexual activities yet. Let a serene feeling settle in you, calming your nerves.
Once out of the bathroom, sit apart from each other (without facing your SO). Both of your need to close your eyes and relax. Take slow but steady breaths. Focus on inhaling and exhaling until you feel your mind is at ease and completely free of other thoughts and disturbances. HINT: You won’t be able to master this overnight, but remember, practice makes perfect.
Sit cross-legged, facing each other (or in any other intimate position you prefer). Let your knees and hands touch. Share each other’s energy and emotions. Synchronise your breathing to match boo’s and let your minds, souls, and bodies connect. HINT: This, too, takes time. So keep at it, until it comes easily to you both.
Lie down and let your partner give you a slow and sensual full-body massage. Keep your mind from wandering and focus on what’s happening now, both within yourself, as well as with your partner. End the massage with a long and intense genital massage. If you feel you’re about to climax, focus your attention elsewhere, prolonging your orgasm as much as possible. Focus on other parts of your body and allow that feeling to spread to the rest of your body. Be sure to communicate and let your partner know what you like and what feels good. This is key. HINT: You may (or may not) orgasm, but remember the big O is not your goal here. Rather, it is to be aware of every touch.
After you recover, give the same massage to your partner. Pay attention to his body language and sounds, understanding that his wants and desires may not be similar to what you enjoy. Maintain intimate contact with your SO through your hands, kisses, or soft words of love. HINT: Again, his orgasm is not the goal; making him feel good and helping him maintain concentration is.
Once both of you recover from the massages, stay immobile in an intimate position. The recommended position in tantric sex is Yab Yum, believed to be more intimate. You sit on your partner’s lap with your legs wrapped around (or vice versa) with your genitals connected. Stay still in this position taking in every part of your partner, breathing together and gazing into each other’s eyes until you feel a deep and undeniable connection filled with desire.
Slowly reposition yourself as you prefer without breaking the connection you’ve built throughout the previous steps. Then, make slow, long and passionate love the way you usually would.
Include tantric sex into your love life as much as possible to master the art of truly connecting through your mind, body, and soul as one.