“Can I Just Admit I Hate Being Single Now?”

What if I want fries *and* guys to share them with?

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Don’t get me wrong: I’ll proudly rock a ‘Pizza is bae’ tee while listening to Lizzo ‘put the sing in single’ and Ariana Grande vow that she ‘ain’t gonna be no Mrs’. I love that our culture is now fully on the #SingleLife bandwagon, championing the bad*ss army of unattached women that’s only gaining strength in numbers (by 2030, 45 percent of American women, between ages 25-44, will be single, according to a recent study). 
My friends and fam often tell me that I am killing it soul-mate free—because, hi, I never have to share my popcorn at the movies, I live for chilled nights, vegging on my couch, and the only aisles I am excited to walk down anytime soon are the one at department stores, packing all the ice cream! 

But yeah, I also really, really want a relationship. And why is this so wrong??? Why does it make me seem like a traitor to single people everywhere? Or like I can’t say this out loud without being labelled an anti-feminist who has failed to flaunt her fabulous free-agent status? How’s it that admitting I might be even happier with a plus-one makes me seem both too thirsty and not fierce enough?

Look, I know how privileged I am to even exist at a time when women aren’t socially obligated to be coupled up. I mean, if this were pre-1970s, I wouldn’t even be able to sign up for a credit card without a husband’s signature. (Seriously.) 
Now, there are entire movements dedicated to raising women up. We don’t need to be girlfriends or wives to thrive, and that’s definitely worthy of cheering. 
 It doesn’t mean, though, that some women (read: me) don’t still want a partner to take late-night drives with. And send LOL memes to. And tag in romantic Instagram posts from awesome weekends spent together. 

I am sick of doing stuff alone. I crave the intimacy of having a ride-or-die. A few weeks ago, I was so starved for touch that I found myself hugging people for way longer than is socially acceptable (I am not proud of this, and also, if that was you, I’m sorry?). 
I, then, got caught in a vicious Tinder-swiping cycle of feeling miserable for not finding anyone I liked—and then feeling extra miz for wanting it so badly. The worst was 
coming to terms with the fact that I don’t actually love standing on my own. 

Lately, though, I have 
been asking myself: isn’t the entire value of independence that you can do what you want? And I am pretty sure being a feminist doesn’t mean I have to stay single to prove my power as a woman, right? So here’s my new MO: lean in to what I know will make me happy. And never apologise for slaying as a solo queen while also looking for someone to share my throne with!” 


 

Credits: Photograph by Porus Vimadalal