Has self-care become just another thing to tick off your to-do list?

You know the drill—you’re trying to take care of yourself, doing all the “right” things, from skincare to stretching to staying off your phone. But somewhere along the way, it stops feeling soothing and starts to feel… suspiciously like work.

Somewhere between the third Pilates class, the fourth matcha run, and the fifth morning affirmation, the question slowly starts to form: is this self-care… or just another task on a never-ending to-do list? What is clear is that we’re left feeling a little drained—and not just in our bank accounts.

What started as a way to look after yourself has slowly turned into a whole industry. One with steps, standards, and that sneaky sense of guilt for not doing enough. These days, self-care isn’t just something you do—it’s something you perform. There’s a script to follow, and if you skip a journal entry or sleep past 5 am., it doesn’t feel like rest—it feels like failure.

The self-care script no one talks about

You live in a world obsessed with self-improvement. Just search “morning wellness routine” on YouTube and you’ll find thousands of perfectly lit videos, all promising to change your life. Being your “best self” isn’t just a goal anymore—it’s a requirement. Every moment of downtime now has to do something for you. Walks need to be mindful. Baths must involve rituals. Even sleep has become something to optimise. The message is loud and clear: if you’re not constantly levelling up, you’re falling behind. And if you’re someone trying to juggle work, relationships, friendships, and all the silent pressures in between, that never-ending push to “be better” can start to feel a lot like emotional burnout disguised as wellness.

Is it really for you?

So, who are you doing all this for?

Real self-care is supposed to be personal. It’s supposed to be imperfect, and sometimes, even a little boring. It’s hitting snooze, saying no to plans, leaving your laundry for another day, or ignoring texts because you just don’t have the energy. It’s not always cute, and it’s rarely productive. But somewhere along the way, self-care got turned into a performance. Rest stopped being something you’re entitled to, and became something you had to earn.

And then comes the guilt. Guilt for missing therapy. For skipping your meditation. For forgetting your night serum. Suddenly, the rituals meant to help you recharge are just more boxes to tick. You judge yourself for falling short. And the irony is hard to miss—the things that are supposed to help you avoid burnout are now part of what’s burning you out.

Rest doesn’t need to be aesthetic

Maybe what you need isn’t more effort, but a shift in perspective. One where care doesn’t have to be aesthetic or aspirational. One that lets it be messy, unfiltered, and just for you. Real self-care probably won’t look great on your feed, but it will help you feel a little more like yourself.

Right now, one of the most radical things you can do is less. Say no. Ditch the checklist. Let things be a little chaotic. And remind yourself that you don’t have to keep fixing what was never broken. Because in a world that’s turned even rest into a competition, simply choosing to just be might be the most powerful thing you do.

Lead image: Getty

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