6 Things to know about introducing sex magic to your relationship

While sex magick (not a typo, it’s spelled with a “k”—see below) might seem self-explanatory, there’s a lot of interest in the subject, and it’s not just ~woo-woo~ sex that’s so good it becomes ~magic~. Sex magick is actually a conscious practice where people use the energy produced through sexual intercourse and “direct” it to a specific purpose.

First things first, what’s up with the “k” in “magick”? “The Neopagan community generally prefers to spell their type of magick with a ‘k’ to differentiate it from stage magic performed by folks like Criss Angel or Penn and Teller,” Stefani Goerlich, a sex and relationship therapist in Detroit, explains.

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Goerlich has expertise in the academic research on the intersection of religion and sex and also has a number of clients who identify as witches, Wiccans, or pagans. Here, she answers all of our questions about sex magick.

 
Broadly speaking, what is sex magick?

“Sex magick is generally used as a term to describe any practice that uses sexual intercourse or orgasm to raise energy, which the practitioners then ‘direct’ toward a specific purpose or cause.”

What kind of religions use sex magick?

“Sex magick is most commonly practiced—both symbolically and through actual body-to-body contact—by neo-pagan believers, Wiccans/witches, and ceremonial magicians.

“Neo-paganism is an umbrella term that encompasses many different sects, much like how the term “Protestant” encompasses many different denominations of Christianity. Some neo-pagan groups put more emphasis on sex magick than others, but they all work with the concepts of masculine and feminine energies and the unification of these to raise power that can be directed toward a goal.

“Outside of the realm of neo-paganism, some might consider the Hindu practice of tantra to be a form of sex magick. If one really stretches the concept, one might even include Judaism, which encourages married couples to have sex on Shabbat as a way of sanctifying the holiness of the day as a form of sex magick.”

How does one try using sex magick?

“Sex magick generally looks like sex! But it is done with mindful intentions. The couple (they need not be heterosexual…or even only two people) would discuss what their intention is for the magick—aka what goal or outcome they want to achieve. This could be directing energy toward someone’s healing from illness, to help one of the participants to find a job, or even simply as an act of devotion to their god or deity.

“While having sex, they focus their attention on their desire to see the outcome they envision coming to form.”

“They may choose to create an environment that helps them focus on this intention by lighting green candles around the bed to symbolize healing or placing a circle of flowers or salt around the bed to outline a sacred space. Then? They have sex! And while having sex, they focus their attention on their desire to see the outcome they envision coming to form. At the moment of orgasm? They visualize that energy shooting forth from them toward its intended ‘target’ or goal.”

Is sex magick good or bad?

“That depends entirely on what purpose you’re using it for, I suppose. If someone is using sex magick to send healing energy to someone who’s sick? That’s quite different than using sex magick to send energy out intending to hurt someone or cause harm.

“In science, energy is a neutral force. We can use electricity to heat a home or to torture a prisoner. ‘Good’ or ‘bad’ is not in the tool—it’s in the application.”

Do you or your partner have to have an orgasm to harness sex magick?

“Traditional sex magick focuses on achieving orgasm, yes. But I’ve had some clients who were in BDSM relationships who used the energy built through orgasm denial as well.”

Do you as a therapist recommend sex magick for clients?

“As a therapist, I ask my clients about their spiritual practice at intake. If it’s an important part of their lives? I meet them where they are and incorporate elements of their belief system into my practice. Their practice doesn’t need to be mine (in this case, it’s not), so I’m rarely prescriptive in how I use spiritual resources and ideas.

“I would not recommend sex magick to a client, but if a client tells me it’s a part of their spiritual work and if they want to use this tool as a part of their therapeutic process, I will follow their lead.”

Are there any clients/situations where sex magick would not be a good idea?

“I do think that sex magick would not be for anyone who has trouble differentiating between reality and fantasy or who has active delusions or hallucinations.”

 

Lead image is credited to Stocksy.

 

This article originally appeared in Cosmopolitan US in December, 2019.

 

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